263. Drafted Into the Applebee's Wars

Lords:

• Xalavier
• Brianne

Topics:

• Why do movies about contract killers skip over the good part of negotiating in excruciating detail the contract and clauses present?
• Are fictional characters greater role models than real people?
• The new Zelda game talks too much and I'm okay with that
• Think of Others by Mahmoud Darwish
  • https://www.ayearofbeinghere.com/2014/11/mahmoud-darwish-think-of-others.html
• Should every person be forcibly drafted into a customer service job, like the military.
• The horrible things I would do in the Criterion Closet, if given an opportunity.
  • Jim's evidence for why The Pest is memorable: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAB8dNMoXZ0

Microtopics:

• I Am Your Beast.
• Making 50 games in 7 years.
• A co-op Kaiju horror cooking game
• The Name of the Rose meets Godzilla meets Lethal Company.
• Power couples in games.
• Moviegoers who want to know about contract law.
• Search and replacing "murder" with "unalive" so that a contact killer can safely sue the client for breach of contact.
• Pedantic legal contact killer law every week.
• Lowering the bar so that we can all raise it later.
• Doctor Odyssey.
• Disheveled Detective.
• The Autistic Coded Detective.
• A ahow about autistic people written by neurotypical people.
• Making a weekly podcast and scoffing at the TV shows that can only manage 24 episodes a year.
• Asking google for the "podcast with the fewest episodes" and google just assuming you meant the podcast with the shortest running time.
• Sending children to the sharps dump. (Because the kid asked for it and the parent signed a waiver.)
• Desperately knocking on Google's door and beginning them to tell you where the furthest Denny's is.
• The Waluigi-owned Denny's in the Andromeda Galaxy.
• Role Models happening accidentally.
• Donald Duck becoming a sex pest after edgier writers take over.
• A form of self to aspire to.
• 300 Rorschach Guys in a discord server.
• An epic story that FromSoft will continue to plunder of its biggest plot elements for the next 30 years.
• A character that you relate to and then you realize that's bad.
• What do you do after you get what you want?
• Leading a horde of ninja at the dictates of an Eldritch god.
• Getting what you've been looking for and realizing that you're no longer the person who wanted that thing.
• Role-playing a princess who has to talk to a litany of insufferable people.
• Swinging your sword through grass to reveal rupees.
• Zelda's Got an Onus.
• Who you're thinking about as you pay your water bills.
• Those who are nursed by clouds.
• Shakespeare beeves.
• GettingTikTok Mad.
• The Death of Arthur.
• Impacting media literacy for generations because you want to make a sassy pun.
• Slipping into Belgian because you don't have enough mana to speak French.
• The red phone in every publicly traded franchise restaurant that connects the customer directly to a random shareholder.
• Working a Black Friday at a retail job and being awarded a purple heart.
• Working a Best Buy Geek Squad tour of service to earn your citizenship.
• The Criterion Closet.
• The level of stardom you need to attain in order to remove movies from the Criterion Collection.
• Supermarket Sweep.
• Asking someone who took one year of high school French what you call someone who owns a closet.
• I would not be normal and they would not be safe.
• Landed noblemen who are super into Amontillado.
• Where to lock the insufferable friend who went to film school.
• How many Miami Vice episodes ended up in the Criterion Collection.
• The movie that you remember the least.
• Forgiving the insufferable film school attendees in your life because you can't think of a good punishment for them.

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