1121: Most People Try to Control Their Thoughts: Here's Why That Backfires

In today's episode, Gina shares a key strategy for handling unwanted thoughts: allowance (acceptance). Though contrary to our common expectations, allowing unwanted thoughts to be present in our mind is the very antidote to their power to make our anxiety worse. Trying to control the mind and the unwanted thoughts causes them to remain in our consciousness longer. Listen in and become a master of your mind with these critical techniques!

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Quote:

The boundary to what we can accept is the boundary to our freedom.

-Tara Brach

Chapters

0:42 Introduction to Thought Control

3:00 The Ironic Process Theory

7:03 The RAIN Method Explained

12:00 Mindfulness and Acceptance

13:57 Diffusion Techniques for Thoughts

16:20 Cognitive Flexibility and Focus

17:29 Key Takeaways for Peace

Summary

In this episode of the Anxiety Coaches Podcast, I delve into a common misconception about managing our thoughts: the belief that controlling them equates to finding peace and emotional stability. Many of us have been conditioned to think that if we can simply regulate our thoughts, we can navigate life more effectively. This notion stems from the idea that our thoughts dictate our emotions and behaviors, leading to the belief that mastery over our minds can lead to a smoother existence. However, I reveal that this is fundamentally flawed.

Firstly, I clarify that we cannot control the naturally occurring thoughts in our minds. Our brains are inherently busy, constantly generating thoughts regardless of our desires. The key to emotional well-being lies not in the futile attempt to banish unwanted thoughts, but in recognizing that our focus—what we choose to dwell on—plays a pivotal role in shaping our emotional landscape. This brings us to the heart of the issue: the more we try to evade certain thoughts, the more they intensify, leading to resistance and anxiety rather than the calm we seek.

I introduce the concept of ironic process theory, which explains how suppression of thoughts only magnifies them. When we declare, “Do not think about this,” our brains paradoxically go into alert mode, hyper-focusing on that very thought. I use relatable examples to illustrate this phenomenon, such as the classic "don't think about a pink elephant." By advising ourselves to avoid certain thoughts, we propel them into our forefront, transforming minor worries into overwhelming mental struggles.

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