第2636期:How to take control of your emotions

When your emotions cause you to fly off the handle, sob uncontrollably or seethe with envy, it can be hard to see the good in them. It's a common belief that there are 'good' and 'bad' emotions, and that for successful emotion regulation, we must live a life free of the bad ones. This is a misconception, according to Ethan Kross, world expert in the psychology of emotions. "In the right proportions" he says, "all emotions are useful." We can't control the thoughts and feelings that automatically pop up, but we can choose how to engage with them. 当您的情绪导致您从手柄上飞来飞去，无法控制地抽泣或嫉妒地看着，很难看到它们中的好处。 这是一个普遍的信念，即有“好”和“坏”情绪，为了成功地调节情绪，我们必须过上不良的生活。 据情感心理学世界专家伊森·克罗斯（Ethan Kross）称，这是一个误解。 他说：“以正确的比例，所有情绪都是有用的。” 我们无法控制自动弹出的思想和感觉，但是我们可以选择如何与它们互动。

Vicki Botnick, a therapist in Tanzana, California, agrees. She said we should aim for regulation, not repression. Instead of sweeping feelings under the rug, we should practise accepting them. Reframe them, not as 'good' or 'bad', but as messengers, giving you important information that you can use. This may sound easier said than done, so when intense feelings make you feel overwhelmed, try the old classic: deep breathing. Breathe in slowly, hold the breath for three seconds, then breathe out slowly. For some, it may help to repeat a mantra, such as "I am calm." 加利福尼亚州坦桑纳的治疗师Vicki Botnick同意。 她说，我们应该以监管而不是镇压为目标。 我们不应该练习接受它们。 重新构架它们，不是“好”或“坏”，而是将其重新构成，为您提供可以使用的重要信息。 这听起来听起来容易做起来难，因此，当强烈的感觉使您感到不知所措时，请尝试旧的经典：深呼吸。 慢慢呼吸，呼吸三秒钟，然后慢慢呼吸。 对于某些人来说，重复咒语可能有助于“我很镇定”。

So, chronically avoiding your problems and negative feelings is not recommended, but that doesn't mean distraction is all bad. "We can be flexible and do both", says Ethan Kross. He uses the example of heightened emotions after a heated argument. It can be beneficial to sort it out in the moment, but it can also help to immerse oneself in something totally unrelated and return to the problem later, perhaps with a new perspective and a diminished temper. 因此，不建议长期避免您的问题和负面情绪，但这并不意味着分心都是不好的。 伊桑·克罗斯（Ethan Kross）说：“我们可以灵活并做到这两个。” 在激烈的争论之后，他以增强情绪的例子。 在此刻进行整理可能是有益的，但是它也可以帮助将自己沉浸在完全无关的事物中，并以后再回到问题上，也许是新的视角和脾气下降的。

Another way to distract yourself is to change your environment. Anyone that's been on holiday will know that being in new surroundings, free of associations of work and usual routines, can help us de-stress and recharge. If you're unable to get away, try exploring locally. A 2024 review of research called 'The role of nature in emotion regulation processes' found all 27 of the reviewed studies reported positive impacts of nature on emotion regulation. If green spaces are hard to reach in your neighbourhood, try curating your home environment. Add house plants, pictures of landscapes, photos of loved ones, or any objects that bring you joy. 另一种分散自己注意力的方法是改变您的环境。 任何经历过假期的人都会知道，在新的环境中，没有工作和通常的例行协会，都可以帮助我们减轻压力和充值。 如果您无法逃脱，请尝试在当地探索。 2024年对称为“自然在情感调节过程中的作用”的研究综述发现，所有的27项审查研究都报告了自然对情绪调节的积极影响。 如果您的附近很难到达绿色空间，请尝试策划您的家庭环境。 加入房屋植物，景观图片，亲人的照片或任何带给您欢乐的物体。

Learning to accept, reframe and regulate your emotions puts you back in the driver's seat of your life. But if this feels hard, remember: no feeling lasts forever. 学习接受，重新构架和调节情绪会使您回到生活的座位。 但是，如果这很难，请记住：没有感觉永远持续下去。