Death is something I contemplate. I think about what it would mean for me to die. Not just in suicide, but in general. I also ponder the deaths of friends, family, and others around me. I simply wonder what it would be like to experience the news of that person dying and the implications it would have on my life.
Of course, I don’t want to die, and I definitely don’t want my friends or family to. Its just a part of my nature to think about these things.
If I’m in the “right mood” for it, I won’t even be sad. Even if I start tearing up, I’m not sad but rather experiencing the emotions. It helps me work through the realities of how I would feel should that event occur. I gain a better understanding for what is important to me and how I value the relationships around me.
My father is a great example. He was in the Navy, which means he was deployed a lot. There are plenty of moments in my childhood that I can remember him being around for, and there are plenty when my mother was only parent present. We argued, we laughed, we were a father and son. I can’t recall any life changing advice or profound guidance he provided, but I do know that who I am today includes a part of me influenced by my dad.
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