38: How using the Enneagram transformed my family and parenting. (An Enneagram 8,7, and 2 all under one roof)

My family, and how the enneagram moved the needle in our relationships


It’s EneaTalk Tuesday and this episode is one that has been requested the most from all of you. This week’s guests are the most important humans to me and are a topic that I constantly get asked about—my kids. I sit down with Joey and Kasey and ask all the questions you’ve been wanting to know—what it was like after I came out of rehab, how our communication changed due to the enneagram, how we built a balanced household as a result, and how we’ve grown and understood each other ever since.

Listen to this week’s episode to hear from Kasey and Joey just how much has changed in the past eight years, and how the enneagram can be used in your household to see, hear, and understand one another.


Using the enneagram to see, hear, and understand my kids

When I entered rehab eight years ago, I knew I was there not just for myself, but also for my kids. I had seen my habits resurface in them, and knew if I didn’t repair it, they would repeat it. I discuss how the enneagram was introduced to me, and how my daughter was the motivation behind studying it—how she was born a free spirit, completely opposite from me, and how I needed to be able to speak her language.

Once I knew my enneagram number and got to really look at myself, I started trying to figure out what number my kids were so I could truly see them, understand when they were under pressure, and what I could do to speak to them in a supportive way.

Kasey and Joey

Kasey and Joey share their point of views on what it was like before I went to rehab and what they were missing from me as their mother. We talk about the shift post rehab—how the enneagram helped rebuild our communication, how it grew understanding and trust, as well as self-awareness in our own personal journeys. They share how knowing what number they are has allowed them to see how they handle stress and their emotions, their strengths and their weaknesses.

We talk about how the enneagram can help move the needle in your household, how it can help to understand each other, to be empathetic, compassionate, and loving. The enneagram is a tool, not the answer to all things, but when used correctly, it can help change everything.

Quotes:
“The Enneagram really helped me understand how to best and most effectively speak a language where my kids could receive every beautiful thing that was on my heart for them.” 3:51

“8’s carry an energy and intensity level that’s about 100 times more we even realize.” 11:42

“I know I was given you [Joey] to really tap into that compassion that has always come so hard for me because I’ve been angry most of my life.” 23:29

“When I understood that a 2 under stress goes into the unhealthy 8, there was this understanding of each other, like a ‘when we spot it, we got it kinda thing.’” 24:07

“Learning about it and knowing the Enneagram has been awesome for me in the sense that knowing that has helped me understand my mom and my sister more.” -Joey 24:54

“As a 7 kid, I was so misunderstood and I definitely felt like I was never taken seriously ever.” -Kasey 31:15

“You were more receptive to my education and wisdom because you were being seen, heard, and understood.” 35:55

“I care so much about what people think about me and to take steps completely opposite of what people would expect or desire for me was scary, very scary.” -Joey 42:43

“I still don’t like it, feeling all the things, but the gift of the quiet and the world coming to a halt is making me address things and not rush that process.” 51:32

“2’s naturally can read people’s needs, and for you to have nothing to worry about but your own needs is actually a gift for you.” 53:24