Finding Fertile Ground: Stories of Grit, Resilience, and Fertile Ground
Society & Culture
This episode contains explicit conversation.
Dr. Kris Gowen is a sexuality educator and researcher. Kris is cofounder of Beyond the Talk, the sex ed you wish you had. They provide presentations, workshops, and interactive games all aimed at increasing access to sexuality information.
After her best friend Molly died, Kris decided to travel around to all 50 states, a 17,774-mile road trip, and sing karaoke in each state! She even wrote a book about it: One Nation Under Song: My Karaoke Journey through Grief, Joy, and America.
In addition to soaking into the empty spaces of her journey and allowing herself to grieve, she came to appreciate the diversity of the country. One of her favorite places was Detroit, when she found herself as one of the few white people behind a barbecue joint. She wasn’t sure if it was a space for her, but the other singers were fantastic and the environment was magical. In Georgia she sang to a church organist, and the organist/KJ gave a welcoming speech about letting go and being a part of the community.
With the pandemic, karaoke has gone online. She recently entered the North American Open of the World Karaoke Championships and got second place, so she’s now on the North American team for the world championships.
Molly’s death was just the latest in a series of deaths in her life Kris has had to grieve. She has written and led workshops around the intersection of grief and joy.
I shared my experience of getting to know other families who had lost their babies in the NICU and learning from them how to continue to honor their children...in particular our friends who graciously volunteered after their own son lived for just a week, helping other parents dealing with the NICU experience.
After talking about Kris’ unique sojourn across the country singing in every state, as well as her favorite songs to sing, we talked about her work in sex education.
Kris is passionate about incorporating social justice and inclusion into sex education, especially because many young people are rejected or thrown out of their homes because of who they love.
In this focused time on Black Lives Matter, she’s particularly interested in exploring how we can be anti-racist and intersectional in sex education, recognizing where we can do better in honoring all cultures, races, and backgrounds. Kris mentioned that talking about the history of forced sterilization, power dynamics, access to contraception, and access to health care is extremely important if we are to have sexually healthy people. She also noted the reinforcement of racist stereotypes in pornography and the question of whether young people of different races are being punished disproportionately for things like sexting.
We spoke about how kids are much more open-minded about different genders and sexual orientations. Kris has worked with kids at the Rock and Roll Camp for Girls, where she’s found the kids to be really open and evolved in discussing these issues.
Kris has done a great deal of research around how technology can affect sexual pleasure...for example, pornography, Internet dating, and sex toys and sex robots. We also talked about sex in the time of COVID.
Beyond The Talk is offering a discussion-based group for parents and caregivers to learn, process, and get support with their teens and tweens' online relationships, sexting, and pornography. They will also address how Covid-19 is affecting young people. This group will run for 6 weeks starting November 9-December 14 with a November 2 registration deadline.
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