The Call of Friendship with Alysha Miller : Why we need it, the command of it, and how to stick it out
This week's episode is one my heart needed and I pray it meets you in a tender way too. Let's Talk Friendship is exactly what Alysha Miller came on the show to do, talk all things friendship! 1) Why we need it. 2) How it's a call from The Lord. 3) How to stick it out when things get hard.
I don't know about you but recently my heart has felt weary so I pray you to find yourself listening to this episode feeling like you're one of our friends sitting at the table with us.
1) Tell us about you!
Alysha Miller lives in Southern California where she serves her local church in the 5-6th grade ministry and also is a full-time wedding photographer.
Being around a lot of couples stepping into marriage, in 2015, she felt the Lord move her heart to compassion for marriage as a whole and for those who were stepping into marriage without fully realizing what they were stepping into. She wanted to use the gift of photography the Lord had given her to shine a light on what marriage is, who defines it and answer questions from a biblical perspective pertaining to it. Who better than to ask then married couples who have traversed this path? Learn how ironically God would use a single girl to set out on a journey to get to the heart of His heart for marriage.
The project is a photography project turned podcast in hopes that interviewing couples with Christ at the center of their marriage can answer some of the harder questions yet ultimately, the objective has always been to glorify Christ through marriage as it points to our relationship with Him, Christ, and His church.
And help us realize, He is our first love. Nothing will satisfy us, apart from Him. No relationship, no person, no marriage was ever intended to take the place of Him in our hearts.
2) I’ve been so excited to sit down with you and talk all things friendship. Not only because of the one God has gifted in us but because of the way God has grown your faith through the strong friendships he’s given you. How have you seen The Lord use the strong biblically-centered friendships you have to keep you focused on Him?
It would have been much easier to miss on Sunday or not stay committed to things had it not been for the girl's God has placed in my life. It’s accountability but it’s more than accountability. It’s love. I want to show up, I want to see my friends! Church on Sundays is a place that has been built into a habit and I get to see my friends.
Love what Pastor Ed shared on Sunday, the LOVE of Christ that fills us. 1 John 4 — it’s His love, real love, for one another and when we have this in common and come together and hear what He’s doing in each other’s life, supporting each other in prayer, caring for the other, we’re showing His love for us to each other.
Prayer support is HUGE. They have carried out the ministry things I’ve done bc they’ve prayed over future plans with me, and have listened to my heart and dreams and listened intently. carry one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2)
It’s not one-sided, I do the same. One of my best friends, how we met, heart to heart across a couch and went on a prayer walk a few hours after meeting. The deepest friendships are formed there.
There’s just been heart to hearts and safe places to land my heart when it’s needed a place to confess, work through heart things.
Listening and being trustworthy, being someone friends can trust and come to with things they need to talk about. Good listeners, but it takes one to be one. Learning the art of listening, with your heart. That was a season God took me through, no always waiting to talk but just listening to understand. I didn’t always need to get a word in.
Cell phones face down on the table don’t count. Heart to heart, over a table, no phone out. Also, no gossiping or slandering. That’s a hard one! I slip so much when it comes to speech and those are usually the more convicting verses for me reading about the power of the tongue,
James 4:11 “Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister or judges them speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgment on it.”
There are at least 32 verses about gossip according to Google and 27 pertaining to the tongue and maybe there’s an overlap on some, but that’s a lot!
My call as a friend is to be encouraging, building my friends up with my words and pointing THEM back to HIM and pray for them. They don’t need my opinion about other people. I need to repent of that when I mess up, (repenting pretty much daily) and ask the Lord to cleanse me from the hidden sins lurking in my heart and to keep me from the deliberate sins lurking there. Psalm 19:12-14
The hidden sin is the word or impulsive blurb about somebody that comes out of my heart, the deliberate sin is knowing I don’t need to say that, chewing on it and saying it anyway. I’ve been working with the Lord on this one, thinking ahead. Where will the conversation turn if I say this? Then probably don’t need to say it.
3) Biblically speaking friendship is a call, we’re called to be in relationship with other believers. What would you say to someone who gets caught up "taking back their yes?”
I used to be that girl. I would flake, I would make commitments than decide to cancel last minute. And hey, I probably still do that every now and then. BUT in Christ, He has given me a different perspective. TO be a good friend is to show up, even when I last minute feel tired or want to be an introvert.
A loving Creator designed us to exist in a relationship with Him, with each other and with the rest of creation. Friendship is a good thing, a God thing.
Romans 12:10 Love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. This is GOD’S HEART.
I have learned and am still learning how to use my yes’ more thoughtfully, not just gleefully excitedly saying YES to every invite and asserting my no’s when I’m being pulled a lot of different ways or no even when I want to say yes because it’s the responsible thing or I know the yes isn’t the thing God wants for me.
Then I feel more purposeful in fulfilling the “yes’” and knowing there are blessings on the other side of that yes when the day comes around to meet up with said friends and maybe my feelings are telling me to stay home because it’d be more convenient for me. Whenever I’ve followed through on my yes (and I pretty much will now with any YES unless I’m really sick or there’s rain or something out of my control happening) I am always SO glad I followed through because I would have missed out on SO much with that friend. And it’s two-sided, I am filled up and so is she!
The devil is in those lying feelings to stay home, he wants to RIP US OFF of anything productive, fun, fruitful, enjoyable, edifying, good for us that’s going to build up the Body.
4) Personally speaking, I know it can be really hard to put myself out there ESPECIALLY with women my age. How have you learned to do this?
It started with bible study. That’s where most of my friendships in the Lord have blossomed out of. I’m blessed to be a part of a women’s bible study that is multi-generational, so we get to hear wisdom from someone more seasoned in life yet also been paired with women my age. Our church is pretty intentional about that. So within the safe parameters of studying the Word of God together and a group setting, we’ve gotten to know each other through speaking about life’s situations but with prayer and the Word of God around it. Then it’s branched off from there and we already know some things about each other.
The branching out part though might take some going out of our comfort zones. Being the one to text and invite to coffee or lunch, and I think being the first to share things about me invites this person to share more about herself. It can be an awkward thing if you make it that, but it also doesn’t have to be.
But having the Lord in common makes girls I’ve literally just met feel like sisters, we have this immediate bond and it’s awesome!
5) Hardship in deep friendship is inevitable. Knowing your part of your story can you share the difference between allowing the Holy Spirit to work verses hashing it out in the flesh.
Yes! Sharing the iron sharpening iron thing, living together, and having an honest conversation about where we were disagreeing, how we hurt each other alone felt like we had done it in our strength because I walked away shaking and with nothing resolved. We went in around and round circles and were just not understanding each other.
But we even talked about going our separate ways if it just couldn’t get better because we couldn’t keep living this way and we realized if that happened though it be like a divorce, other friends had connected through the two of us, and we didn’t make other friends have to choose between us the rest of their lives. But God!
I Didn’t text her going to church that Sunday, she came and sat next to me and the message was on the power of forgiveness and we just hugged after and it was gone. Without any words yet a Mediator and He just took it.
We later realized what held us for that year and a half of bitterness and hurt feelings for each other had felt like a prison sentence….and I kid you not this is literally what I had said a couple years prior. I had just got done reading a book called Captive in Iran (such a good book!) and the testimonies of these two women in jail together had me saying, “What if we went to jail for our faith together?” And we said, dang we felt like we had.
Mark and Paul (sent Mark away but then called Barnabas to bring Mark back to him as he was helpful in ministry 2 Tim 4:11
6) Living in a world of instant gratification it can feel hard to navigate “lasting” friendships. They seem uncommon and honestly, counter-cultural. What would you say to the person desiring deep relationships in our current fast pace, on the go, busy world?
Pray about it! My mom told that. You can pray for a friend in the Lord! God will be happy to answer that. He’s answered it a hundredfold and in one on one’s, discussing the Word of God, praying together like I said and just being intentional in investing and listening and being genuinely interested in your friend’s life!
Also, because we live in a fast-paced, busy world, there needs to be much grace… I need to be less and less offendable. If a friend doesn’t get right back to me through text, grace. If you see her with another friend on Instagram and you feel left out grace.
Don’t just exit the friendship and start over. Next time, just say OH ID LOVE TO JOIN YOU GIRLS NEXT TIME if that’s something you really would want.
7) The living with less podcast birthed from John 3:30 is all about living with less of the things getting in the way of who Christ is calling us to be. If someone asked you what they needed to begin living with less of in regards to this, what would you tell them and why?
I’d say, less of isolation, more community. Do the thing you’re flesh is telling you not to do. Go to the Friday night study, sign up for the women’s bible study, say yes to the book club even if it’s not your favorite book, drive 30 mins out of your way to meet up to study alongside her.
Less shutting down, more opening up. Be willing to share and be real with that friend.
Fewer friends who only like things you like, more sisters in Christ who may challenge you to do things you’d never do before.
Like run or indoor rock climb, go out on a limb and think less of self and more of others!
8) Can you share a small snippet of what The Marriage Project podcast is all about?
Yes! The Marriage Project is an extension of my wedding photography business and an extension of God’s heart for marriage. He’s led me to create a platform for Christian married couples to share their testimonies and to glorify Christ through the messier, harder parts of their stories and hopefully, in doing so, others can learn more about marriage, what it is, what God’s heart is for it and understand the weight of the calling marriage is. Hoping it can equip many!
That is scraping the surface, you can read more at www.themarriageproject.co or on Instagram @themarriageprojectco.
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