When friendships feel unbalanced

Sometimes the circumstances of life can be so challenging that it demands more from one friend than the other. After some time, this can make a friendship feel unbalanced. It can feel like the other is always taking from us and we’re always the ones left depleted. 

When we are the one in need of help, it’s ok to lean more on our friends, but there is a limit. We have to remember that the only one we can turn to that can handle all of us, all the time, without running out of anything Is God. Another human being on this earth can never do that for us all the time, and so we can’t expect to take from our friends and there not be a limit to that friend. Figuring out what that limit looks like, is a necessity. 

2 considerations

1. Set up accountability - Something like ‘I can sometimes get carried away, OR get stuck in my problems. If I do that, could you please remind me if I start becoming too focused on me and my problems all the time?’ And encourage your friend to hold you accountable 
2. Once that accountability has been practiced over time, it’s likely your friend will become more comfortable and start to speak the truth and remind you when you’ve spent too long taking from them and stuck in your problems and your friend actually needs you to be there for them in return. 

1. 1. Actively Listen
   2. Ask Questions 
   3. When friends are speaking to me, one of the things I often do is put my pastoral cap on, and go into ministry mode.
      Eg 1. Pastoral Hat mode
      Eg 2. Occupational hazard of listening and not sharing

T.B.G

Padre - One on conversations with seminarians

Stina - The gift of experiencing freedom when having let go of something that became toxic in my life - a pasture ready for God to plant in. 

 

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