S2 Ep14 Making Room for Love Part II: How to Navigate Open Relationships feat. Yolanda Kelly and Breahna Wright

Finding love is hard. Are we making it harder by trying to apply outdated courtship rules to modern dating? Why is it that as powerful women we can boldly re-write the rules of the board room, but we are timid and hesitant to re-write the rules of love?

 

For this week’s season finale, join Syd as she explores the mysterious, exciting and dare I say, TABOO world of ethical non monogamy with special guests, professional matchmaker, Yolanda Kelly, and ethical non monogamy practitioner Breahna Wright.

 

Yolanda Kelly is the owner of Love En Vogue Matchmaking, a boutique matchmaking agency located in Atlanta, GA for people of color. She helps serious singles make meaningful connections for the purpose of marriage or committed partnership. 

 

Want to work with Yolanda?

Email her at: info@loveenvogue.com

Visit her at: www.loveenvogue.com

Use code SPILLTHETEA to  receive a free 30-minute consultation now through April 30, 2022

Follow her on IG: @myloveenvogue

Join the Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/loveenvogueblacksingles

 

Want to connect with Breahna?

Breahna Wright is an attorney by trade who practices ethical non monogamy.

Follow her on IG @wrightous15

 

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SHOW NOTES

Let’s start by defining some terms:

 

Ethical non-monogamy: an umbrella term that includes open relationships, swinging and polyamory, that describes the practice of taking part in romantic relationships that are not completely exclusive between two people, with the consent of all the people involved.

Polyamory: the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships, with the consent of all the people involved

Open Relationships: having more than one romantic or sexual partner at a time. It's an arrangement that both parties agree is non-exclusive or non-monogamous.

Monogamy: an exclusive relationship with only one partner (sexual and romantic) at a time.

 

Can you cheat in an open relationship?

Yes, you can cheat in an open relationship. Generally, the participants in an open relationship set the terms of engagement for the relationship. If one of the participants crosses a boundary or breaks a term of engagement, that would be considered cheating.

 

Is monogamy dead?

Monogamy isn’t dead. People can still engage in healthy monogamous relationships, if both participants put the effort and time into maintaining the exclusivity of the relationship, However, ethical non-monogamy is probably more pervasive than we realize. People just aren’t openly discussing it.

 

How do you match people interested in open relationships or how do you begin participating in open relationships?

 

Yolanda: I mostly match singles interested in traditional relationships. But on the rare occasion that I match a person interested in open relationships, I am typically helping them to find their central partners where there is a hierarchy to the relationships.

 

Bre: I got into open relationships simply because my current partner asked me if I was interested in being in an open relationship. After that, I did my own research and decided that it was something that I would like to try.

 

What was most appealing to you about open relationships?

Bre: The most appealing aspect of being in an open relationship was not feeling like I had to choose. I don’t have to choose in my platonic relationships, and I like not having to choose in my romantic relationships.

 

How do you manage jealousy in open relationships?

Bre: You have to do your inner work to determine your insecurities surrounding sharing your partner. I don’t feel like I have any claim of ownership over my partner(s) and so I don’t mind who else they spend their time with, so long as my needs are being met and they are honoring their commitment(s) to me.

 

Yolanda: Jealousy isn’t unique to open relationships. Jealousy also exists in monogamous relationships. Everyone has to get to the root of their insecurities to manage their jealousy.

 

Does engaging in open relationships make dating easier (especially for Black women)?

Yolanda: I think it does because it provides you with more options for finding meaningful relationships.

 

Bre: I have found that it has made dating more difficult because there are a lot of men who aren’t interested in participating in an open relationship.

 

What advice do you have for those wishing to engage in open relationships?

Whatever you decide to do, just make sure that it feels right for you. Don’t worry about what other people think or have to say. The only thing that matters is your happiness.

 

What resources or books do you recommend on navigating open relationships?

Syd’s Choice: “A Happy Life in an Open Relationship” by Susan Wenzel found here: https://www.amazon.com/Happy-Life-Open-Relationship-Nonmonogamous-ebook/dp/B07XVRW218

 

Bre’s Choice: “The Ethical Slut” by Janet Hardy found here: https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379

 

Poly IG Influencers to follow

@LavitaLoca34

@bygabriellesmith