0521 A VERY UNROMANTIC DECISION

A VERY UNROMANTIC DECISION

 

You know the Christian romantic ideal, don’t you? You both stayed single, while you prayed for that certain someone in your future. You knew that you were called to be married because you did more effective ministry together than you would if you remained single. You knew that God had known you since before you were conceived, and that he had the same kind of relationship with your future spouse. So you prayed and waited for “the one” to come along. Then you met, and you both felt the confirmation from the Holy Spirit that God had destined the two of you to be together forever.

 

What a great story. It makes a beautiful script. Sort of like Isaac and Rebekah, or like Jonah and the whale. You were meant for each other, and God had that certain someone in mind. When the both of you are in the center of God’s will for your lives, you find each other at the perfect time and you know without a doubt that God has called you to be soulmates together for eternity.

 

It is a beautiful story, to be sure. But it is not at all practical or logical, if you think about it. If God was such an intricate matchmaker, what happens if just one person misses their soulmate and marries the wrong person? That person has now been linked to someone else, for whom they were not destined, which means that the two intended spouses are left single for the rest of their lives. Unless they also marry, which would mean that they also married the wrong person, and now it’s really getting messy. Not only that, but any children who come from such a union were never intended to exist! Who do THEY marry now? Very quickly, the God-ordained Christian romance story falls apart.

 

But it’s not just logic and biology that runs counter to such a romantic theory. It’s also the Bible itself! Right here in chapter 7, Paul gives several mentions of getting married, and they don’t sound too romantic or God-destined. Here’s what Paul says: 

“But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”

How do you know that you should get married? Because you cannot control yourselves! In that case, it’s better to marry than to burn. But neither one is God’s destiny for you. 

See? That’s not exactly romantic, is it? Practical, but not a very strong public story as to How I Met Your Mother.

But wait! It gets even more awkward, if you’re looking to know whether or not to marry.

“Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

 

 If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning.They should get married.  But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing.  So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.”

 

Did the holy apostle Paul just say “you are not sinning” if you get married? Did he just say that it is a myth that you can do more for the Lord together than you could do if you remain single? I guess it depends on how you view it, but from the angle of having undivided attention given to the kingdom of God, it makes sense that I can’t just say I’m going to quit my job and move halfway around the world in obedience to the call of God on my life. I have to consider the needs of my spouse. So, I guess it’s true that my heart is somewhat divided that way.

 

I love that Paul is so practical here. This is the best marriage advice we ever received, and that’s how Ellen and I knew we were destined for each other, and we moved our wedding date a few months sooner. Amen.