This might be a hot button topic.
In the time between when we recorded this and posting it, I had a situation where I did call someone out. Not for an inappropriate joke exactly but for using a slur to “jokingly” insult someone.
Frank Galindo, Paula Jenkins and Dr Cole Galloway had this really tough conversation with me. Listening back to it, I wish I had taken my own advice and asked the person why they thought it was okay to use the slur they did.
I would love your thoughts on the content of this video, what you do in situations like this and your feedback on the situation below. Was I a bully for creating a boundary?
This happened at a private, social, non-work event. All of the parties are personally well known to each other. There is a power difference between Person A and Person B. Person C is at the same level as Person A. None of us work together.
Person A: You look like a (insert homophobic slur).
Person B: Looked embarrassed and did not respond.
Me: You can’t say that. It’s rude and not cool.
Person A: Reasons and excuses why it’s okay and none of my business.
Me: I am not going to stand by and allow abuse to happen. If I hear it it is my business and I am going to say something. Please do not use that language around me.
Person A: It’s not abuse.
Me: Yes. It is.
Persona A: Awkwardness and glaring but no verbal response.
Later –
Person C: If you want to be part of this social circle you really need to mind your own business. We go along to get along here. Stop policing and bullying. Just because you have a problem doesn’t mean it is actually a problem. If you REALLY can’t help yourself, say something privately. Not in front of other people.
Me (repeating myself): I am never going to let abuse just happen. If the culture here is to let abusers slide and not let the person being abused know I’m not okay with what is happening, this group isn’t my people.
Person C: You made the situation really uncomfortable for everyone.
Me: As opposed to it being uncomfortable just for Person B.
Person C: If they have a problem, they can speak up for themselves.
Me: Since I’m being shut down for speaking up and I have more power/status in this group then they do, I doubt it.
What is the right thing to do in that situation?
Connect with the panelists:
Cole Galloway, PT, PhD: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cole-galloway-1ba715107/
Paula Jenkins, MBA: https://www.linkedin.com/in/paulajenkinslfsconsulting/
Francisco "Frank" Galindo: https://www.linkedin.com/in/frankgalindo-mba/
Dr Robyn Odegaard: https://www.linkedin.com/in/robynodegaard/
Concierge High Performance Psychologist providing luxury level support to executives, entrepreneurs, celebrities, dignitaries and athletes as well as the Facilitator of the Quick Hits podcast
Want a summary of the Quick Hits I post every week, plus the links to the LinkedIn pages of each of the panelist to show up in your in-box every week? Just let me know where to send it: https://drrobynodegaard.com/quick-hits-notifications/
#QuickHits are designed to exercise your brain by letting you listen in on an unscripted conversation to get other people's thoughts on pertinent subjects. If you would like to join a conversation or have a topic you would like to hear discussed, please message me. https://www.DrRobynOdegaard.com
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