161. Comfortable with the uncomfortable (Condition #10: psychological safety)

There’s a strange thing happening in some boardrooms I’ve encountered over the past few years. The first part of the strange thing is a positive: they’re talking about the importance of psychological safety. In general, I think of psychological safety as a set of conditions where everyone in a group or system feels like they can express what they think or how they feel without fear of being punished in some way. So yeah, no matter how old school you are, I bet you completely agree that psychological safety is important in boardrooms. The second part of the strange thing is not so positive. It seems that some people have misinterpreted psychological safety to mean that they are entitled to feel comfortable all the time. In other words, if someone in the room says something that makes these people feel uncomfortable, they complain that the conditions are not psychologically safe. I get it: feeling uncomfortable can be…well, really uncomfortable. But insisting that you must feel comfortable ALL the time is basically another way of saying “I should be allowed to say anything I want, but you can only say things that make me feel good.” That’s the thing about conditions that make people feel safe expressing themselves. It’s basically inviting discomfort into the room and making an agreement that we’ll deal with that discomfort together, respectfully, thoughtfully, patiently, and in good faith. It may not be perfect, but it’s *so* much better than the alternative.