Write Her Off - Letters From An Ego Death - Substack Publishing

As I’ve said before waking up isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, but I wouldn’t want it any other way at this point. If I did not wake up, I do believe chronic illness was coming next for me. My body physically breaking down on me. Never having the knowledge that what I’ve experienced in this particular soul contract was still living in me. I thought I could run away from all the things that hurt me and just never look back. I thought I could wipe away all the times I was the villain in a ‘it is what it is’ kind of way. But the Divine doesn’t work like that and for that I am eternally grateful.

No need to procrastinate these life lessons for another repeated incarnation. I’m sure it would feel like Deja vu coming back only I’d be a different name identifying as a new incarnation. Now for those who do not believe in the soul lessons or reincarnation for the sake of soul evolution I’ll never understand how you walk around every day and don’t feel automatically fucked. I’m not sure how you can walk around without facing yourself, making yourself the villain for a short time to ask yourself why you felt the choice to play that role. I’ve slid through many masks over my short time on Earth. I felt hidden underneath a mask I did not want to wear for so many years and even in my awakening years. I’ll be at a 5-year mark of a “dick punched perspective change” that still has my hands in the air wondering what on Earth is going on. I’ve learned more about energy in the last four years than I was ever capable of grasping in any other part of my life. Through building that knowledge I’ve been able to dive deeper into myself then I ever did in my notebooks. I found a relationship with my body I could barely comprehend when the subtle energies started creeping in to teach me there is so much more than the physical going on.

As I am standing in the line of those who were completely blind to what was energetically going on outside and inside of them I felt I should speak on it. As I’ve always been a writer I believed and still believe to this day that it is my main gift I was given when I entered this world. I have written about things that even as I wrote them have left me in shame. All these icky things coming to the surface and armed with the knowledge (now) that sweeping what happened under the carpet is just karmic procrastination that will come back for me when the divine timing sees fit. So here I present what I wrote last night. As I tried to close my eyes and escape into the astral the teleprompter in my head starting writing to me again. I have no choice at this point but to honor the role of being the vessel these words choose to come out of. I am the hero, the villain, the victim and the saint in all these poetic reflections. I am also the young girl others experimented unconsciously with their judgements.

I have now realized the weight words have on others from an energetic and subconscious programming level. I have often wondered if the words they passed onto would’ve been stones instead if I would have been buried under rubble, left for dead. As I try to climb from the rubble will I be told I am just too weak to face what they tell me is the truth. Will I be shamed into believing their words did not hurt, that they just care and worry about me too much. I am just too sensitive and weak for this over masculated , left- brained world.

As I present my findings to you of who I once was and who I aim to be, all I ask is you take the pieces of you that you find in me. I am a piece of a whole collection. Egotistically feeling important and at the same time understanding the pinch of salt in existence I truly am. I write from the lessons I’ve learned and document when I am walking through the fire. Here I present “Write Her Off” originally written on www.asiruniritechyly.com if you have noticed reading my website that “write” is spelled “rite” it’s a fun play on misspelled words I’ll dictate in a later post for now enjoy the collective beat up I was able to transcribe from a higher octave of myself.

Write Her off - Originally posted on www.asiruniritechyly.com

This is where

My resentment

Had begun

When they wrote me off

In their minds Of course

I was too mouthy

Too rebellious

Didn’t want to listen

To so many black kettles

Boiling and spilling over

At the same time

So much negativity

Flying between two

It’s hitting the children

Yet they just pushed on through

I heard them talk of my mother

Heard them talk of my father

Which side do I believe

No monster created me

I started to dig

Wondered how high

Cortisol was when I became alive

Into the portal and out I cry

But I’ve always wondered

Was I crying inside my

Mother the whole time

Could I have been born

Rebellious and already mouthy

Yet as my language formed

I was already to tell the truth

Yet no one wanted truth

They just wanted their side

To be what I saw in my mind

So they write me off

I hear their thoughts

Must be a lost cause

No one will hire you

When you are such

A bitch and a snob

Must be a lost cause

Can’t find a place in

This world

I guess we were right

She’s too far gone

Our God can’t save her

Although we say we pray

For her we believe

In our closed frame of

Mind we should write her off

We can’t understand her

She’s so different from us

Honestly can’t stand her

She mopes around us too much

Always looks like she’s somewhere else

Never present for our talks of mistrust

Let’s mentally write her off

But let’s also hug her and tell her

We love her so the energy feels off

Let’s advise her on our perspective

And tell her this is the only way

Success is paved with sacrifice

And your own blood is the toll

As we make our way to the grave

Make sure you buy a house

( you could never afford)

Make sure you get the nice car

( so everyone thinks you deserve)

Fill the house with children

( even though no village of help exists)

Don’t forget to swipe credit cards

(Everyone does it)

You dropped out of college?

Well enjoy your peasant life

No one ever made it

Without this piece of paper

I am still in my 60s paying off

She’s not listening to us again

Looks like she’s in dream land again

Just write her off

She’s always marched to the

Beat of her own drum

So let her walk

If she doesn’t believe what

We need her to believe

Then she’s a lost cause

“We won’t judge you

But we will pray for you”

In our minds where we

Think our thoughts of

Judgement are hidden

We will write her off

Use her as an example

Of what not to be

What not to say

And how not to act

She isn’t a sheep

Like us

She’s a lost cause

Write her off

We will use our eyes

The windows to our soul

To look at her mistakes

And magnify her regret

Our compassion will come

With strings

“ are you ready to listen to us”

“We know what is best for you

Even though we don’t know you”

She’s not listening again

She’s disassociating

Daydreaming in her head

Write her off

She’s just too much for us

As she sits there and listens

To these black kettles

She resists consciously

However deep down

What they said is

Haunting me

You wrote her off

And now she’s going

To tell everyone

The truth

9:59pm

9-5-23

 

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