Love, Lust and Laughter - 09.19.23

Sexual Communication Improves As We Get Older

 

Dr. Stephanie Buehler joins Dr. Diana in a conversation about sexual communication; later, the sex docs speak about menopause. Dr. Stephanie Buehler (www.LearnSexTherapy.com) is a licensed psychologist and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Supervisor. She is the author of several books on sexuality and relationships. Dr. Stephanie notes how important it is for the aging person to acknowledge and cope with changes. What doesn’t change is the solution: Couples need to figure out their sexual needs and wants and communicate them (and perhaps put down their phones for a while!). Conversation, it seems, is the most powerful type of foreplay. Talk to each other about sex. What do you want to feel? Desired, young, and alive?  Or?  Then you have to decide if you’re willing to put in the work. Practice, practice! Gourmet sex is like gourmet cooking. They don’t happen without focus.

 

Dr. Buehler points out that before having a hard conversation with a loved one, it’s important to identify what you want to say. Perhaps it is, “I am sad and what I need from you is extra affection.” Have empathy for your partner. On the other side is contempt, a dangerous feeling.

 

We have to adapt to changes as we age. Good sex needs re-imaging, expansion! Outercourse is wonderful because there’s no goal … you can just enjoy the feelings. The man doesn’t have to worry about his erection because there is no penetration. Partners can get out of their brains and into their bodies!

 

Connection rules. In the heat of an argument, many people have trouble reaching out. Remember, hurt underlies anger. Couples have to decide that the relationship is more important than all those things they do that annoy each other. Positive reinforcement instead of criticizing always wins!

 

Dr. Stephanie observes that in some Asian cultures where aging is revered, women don’t have as negative an experience with menopause. Older women are seen as wise and are protectors. Many menopausal women say emphatically “This is my time!” She was a good girl, a good wife and a good parent. She’s done for everyone, and now she is going to take care of herself. Bioidentical Hormone Replacement Therapy, BHRT, can provide the missing hormones resulting from menopause. Please listen to the podcast for all the details!