Love, Lust and Laughter - 5.21.24

A Second Tribute to Candid Royalle, with Jamye Waxman

 

As sex therapists and longtime friends of Candida Royalle (actual name Candice Vadala), Jamye and Diana appreciate Candice’s thirst for self-knowledge. She wrote in 2013, “Still trying to unlock the key to myself.” She also wrote, “I will not let my past ruin my future.”  For decades Candice struggled to view herself through her own eyes, rather than through the eyes of some guy.

 

Jamye Waxman (www.waxmansextherapy.com) spoke in response to Dr. Diana’s questions: What was Candice to you? and What would you like to thank her for? As the “Godmother of Feminist Porn,” Candice—a real pioneer— was an inspiration for Jamye; also, a real friend and mentor. Jamye confesses that Candice believed in her before she could believe in herself! Diana and Jamye agreed that their late friend allowed others to shine! Jamye, for example, produced “Under the Covers” while Candice directed (the very last movie before her death in 2015).

 

Our discussion pivoted to pornography. Candice was disappointed by the new generation of mainstream porn: “The adult-porn industry is becoming a trash heap of over-the-top extremities of the most violating acts … Young men being brought up on this latest crop of meaningless mechanical crap are learning some terrible things about sex and women.” She wrote that in her diary in 2003.

 

Jamye fears that for our offspring, that we are fostering a phone-based childhood instead of a play-based childhood.

 

Because of phones, kids often have easy access to porn. For example, choking a partner may be normalized. (See the interview with Dr. Debbie Herbenick.)  Jamye’s concern is that things are being learned without being addressed. Candice foreshadowed that violence could become acceptable. It’s easy enough to go down a rabbit hole: vanilla sex scenes lead to kinky sex acts or violent ones.

 

In the early morning of September 7, 2015, Candice died of ovarian cancer at her Long Island home. The night before Diana wrote to her, in part: “To think that your vibrant, creative, beautiful life is about to end is devastating. It’s not fair. But your legacy is phenomenal! Through your movies, your book (How to Tell a Naked Man What to Do), and your media appearances, you have changed and improved many people’s sex lives and relationships. And, when folks can experience less shame and more enthusiasm regarding their sexuality … wow! … what a blessing!”

 

Diana and Jamye are glad Candice lived. She was a real blessing!

 

BTW, Check out Jamye’s column in PLAYGIRL. The one on attachment and relationships is compelling: https://playgirl.com/sex-talk/the-psychology-of-sex-lets-get-attached/ .