The original Friday the 13th was a campy, low budget, atmospheric slasher movie that spawned an entire franchise built around Jason Voorhees. Michael Bay's 2009 remake is a bland, generic, slick, modern horror movie that happens to feature a killer wearing a hockey mask. Jared Padalecki stars as Clay, a man who's sister has gone missing in the general vicinity of Camp Crystal Lake, where years earlier a woman wiped out an entire camp's worth of counselors because they let her son, Jason, drown. Turns out, he's still alive. Whoops... awkward. Now, Jason is killing a new group of 20-somethings who are just looking to have a good time as Clay searches for his missing sister. We were as shocked as anyone to find a movie that makes Friday the 13th Part V look like Psycho. Grab your LL Bean catalogs, put on your potato sacks, and joins us as we slowly feed Friday the 13th into a wood chipper!