Ep. 12: Porn, Guinness, and Authentic Friendship: A Conversation with Author and Speaker Nate Larkin (and Tra Jones)
Nate Larkin interview
Pornography, Guinness, and Authentic Friendship
Taking walks with friends. 60 minute walk daily. Real talks and seeking clarity on life’s issues.
How Chunjay met Nate. Public speaking class.
On coffee. On beer. On mystery taps.
“Gentlemen, what we are witnessing here is kidney success and bladder failure.”
Nate shares his story, which includes hardcore pornography and prostitutes, while serving as a pastor.
“I quit a hundred times.”
“I was doing irrational things for non-rational reasons trying to solve the problem by rational means, and I could never think my way out of it. And I would pray to God to take it away, to fix me, always asking him for a private solution to my private problem.”
“Probably would have made me into even a bigger asshole than I was, and I wasn’t even aware I was an asshole.”
“My biggest problem was, and remains…practice in false modesty.”
“Jon & Stacie” by Royal Ruckus with Pigeon John from Pocket Lint & Spare Change album, available for free at http://noisetrade.com/royalruckus
“As best as I can figure, reconstructing it later, I probably spent $300,000 on pornography and prostitutes. And really, the tragic part is that I spent my children’s childhood and 20 years of my wife’s wife, and 20 years of mine, going down that road, trying to meet a need I didn’t recognize.”
Snippet of “Shipwreck” by Cookbook and Uno.Mas from the Robertson Bullies EP.
On burdening one’s wife with sexual struggles.
“I didn’t bring my true self into those relationships. I brought the person I thought they needed, or the person they would like…. What was missing from my relationship with God was never God, it was me. I always sensed some religious persona.”
“He Spread His Arms” by Royal Ruckus from the Pocket Lint & Spare Change (Deluxe Edition) album, available for free from http://noisetrade.com/royalruckus
Introducing Tra Jones, who walked in.
What is The Samson Society?
“What I thought was a unique story turned out to be pretty damn common…. I never told my story to a guy who hasn’t done something sexual he’s ashamed of… I’ve never yet met a man who doesn’t have something in his life that is bigger than he is.”
“What I’ve found is that when I could tell my story, that made it safe for him to say, ‘Ya know, I’ve never told anyone this before…’”
“Even though I’m calling a guy who’s an idiot, he’s NOT ME!”
“In the Trap of the Mountain King” by Royal Ruckus from The Lonely Christmas EP.
Tra raises a question about loneliness and isolation.
The Trinitarian reality of God.
“We’re never complete, and we’re never fully happy, until we’re connected.”
On finding someone to marry.
“There are things I need that my wife can never give me, that I can only get from another man. And there are things that my wife needs, that I can’t give her. We all need to be part of a larger community.”
“This Disney idea that’s sold to us by Hollywood that you don’t need anybody else. All you need is that one person to complete you…is bullshit. And couples that buy it die.”
“Summer’s Last Call” by Royal Ruckus from The Summer of the Cicadas double LP
Pornography as the DRAGON of our time.
“In sexual arousal, and in climax, our brain is flooded with chemicals.”
On chemicals during orgasm.
“Over time I can bond with phantoms to the point where I lose my ability to bond with human beings.”
The problem of Virtual Reality Porn and such.
Neglected infants die.
On facing fear of rejection in a sexual relationship and how porn fits in.
Tra loves phone calls and hates texting, and finds a way to connect it to pornography.
Anxiety in adolescents tied to pornography use.
“This strikes at the very roots of culture.”
“This is having a huge effect on dating, on pursuit. Unfortunately, it’s become more about seduction and conquest than anything else.”
On anonymous sex partners among college students.
On neuro-pathways and sexual sobriety.
“The longer I got sober from porn, the more beautiful my wife became.”
On fathers and daughters.
“A woman needs to hear from a man, from her father, that she is beautiful, worthwhile, that she is seen and known and valued. And it has to be more than beauty.”
“Pornography teaches us to objectify the human form.”
“What we need to be able to do is connect emotionally. Not just to our spouse, but to our children.”
“Closer Than You Think” from the Royal Ruckus album Rumors of Our Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated.
SamsonSociety.org, virtual Samson meetings, Samson app
Closing song: Ray Stevens, “The Streak.” Not really sure how this is a rap song, but the beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.
Mentions: McCreary’s Irish Pub in Franklin, TN, Guinness stout, FightTheNewDrug.com, The Porn Myth by Matt Fradd, Samson and the Pirate Monks by Nate Larkin, Discipleship.com, Beyond Accountability: Life Changing Power of Authentic Friendship by Nate Larkin, NoFap Subreddit.
Music: Funkdoobiest instrumentals.
It is Free