More of the Same? Try Something Else.

Okay. You've learned about active listening when your child is upset. You've got the "you feel" down pat. Even though you are on target, a repetitive "you feel" statement fro you could well annoy your child or, worse, be tuned out with a dismissive "whatever!" The key to helpful active listening is not only reflecting back to your child what you believe she is feeling. It is also tuning in nonverbally, perhaps a hug?, as well as verbally, with feelings. Most importantly, be creative and dare to be different with your words and presentation. "It sounds like you're..." "I'm not sure I'm hearing you right. Is it...?", "Wow! You're really..." Such variations tells your child that you are really trying to capture what's going on with her and not just trying to score points with "you feel..." When you notice her emotional fever going down, then you can switch to problem-solving with her permission. "I've got some thoughts about how you can handle this. Do you want to hear them?"  Now you are connecting with her in her emotional pain and helping her move past it without owning it yourself. Dare to be different.