Show Up to Go Up
Ep 23 Show Up and Grow from Disappointments
We all face disappointments. They are a part of life but they don't have to be bad. If you acknowledge your disappointments you can learn and grow from them. You can use them as a part of your story to help others.
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Here is a detailed description of this episode...
Do you ever just feel like you’ve lost all steam and motivation? Have you ever had a big goal for yourself that you didn’t achieve and it broke your heart? Have you faced a disappointment that knocked you off your game? It’s funny how life works. You may feel like you’re totally in control and things are moving in the right direction and then bam - something like covid 19 happens or some other life emergency. I want to talk about disappointments and how to keep moving forward even when things don’t go the way you hoped. I’m going to share two types of disappointments that I’ve experienced recently and how I’ve dealt with them. The first type is a totally unexpected disappointment and the second is not meeting a goal that I set for myself. Both are disappointments none the less and should be acknowledged and analyzed to keep moving forward toward happiness and success - which is the end goal right?
I’m going to start off by giving you a little context. My birthday is on March 15th. Some of you may recognize that date as the Ides of March - Ides meaning middle. If you love history or Shakespeare you know that Julius Caesar was assassinated on that day and in Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar there is a line that has yet to lose stamina and that is “Beware the Ides of March.” So I was born on what some call the most unlucky day of the year. What’s your accomplishment?! Just kidding. There are multiple books, TV shows, and movies that talk about the Ides of March as a day when crap hits the fan.
Now don’t get me wrong, I loooove my birthday. I love celebrating my birthday and I always have huge excitement and anticipation to celebrate. Unfortunately the week of my birthday has typically been plagued with pain and disappointment. If you don’t believe me, here are some things that have happened just to name a few...my dad told me he was leaving our family, I found out my old boyfriend was cheating on me, my grandma passed away, and you all remember covid 19 right? I’m not sure where you’re listening but in Atlanta where I live, things started closing down on my birthday and then I got laid off the next day. I hate to admit this but every year I have an internal anxiety as my birthday approaches since so many hard things have happened that week.
Now let’s rewind to the beginning of the year. I was starting off 2020 with new passion, vigor, and inspiration. I was feeling more focused and motivated than ever before. I went to a personal development conference and came back on fire. I started prepping and planning for this podcast and I decided that my launch day would be 3/12 because that was my grandma’s birthday and she was such a strong woman and I wanted to honor her with this. So I had a goal and I was pumped up!
We were into the beginning of March and I was on track with my goal and feeling great! I had decided that this was the year that I was going to change my ides of march fate. I was flipping the script and this was going to be the best birthday week ever! Not only was I going to release my podcast but I had an audition for a SAG national commercial and then I had a callback, which is a second audition. And then I booked it! It was my first SAG national commercial and I was so excited. On March 11th I found out I booked the commercial and had a fitting the next day and the commercial would shoot on that Friday 3/13 - literally as I said that out loud I realized it was Friday the 13th. I should have known. Anyway, booking a SAG national commercial is a huge deal and it was potentially my biggest accomplishment as an actress. And of course I booked it because this was the year I was reclaiming my birthday week and changing the way I see my birthday. All the motivational hashtags!!! I had my fitting on Thursday March 12th AND I launched my podcast! I was unstoppable!! And then, late on Thursday while I was lying in bed I checked my phone one last time and I had an email from production saying the shoot that was supposed to happen at 7am the next day was canceled.
A single tear streamed down my face and then within a few seconds I composed myself and told myself that it’s okay. That it wasn’t meant to be and that God must have had a better plan than I understood. That’s all it took for me to accept it and I was able to go to bed pretty quickly. The next day at work a couple clients asked me about the commercial and I graciously told them it was canceled but I’m doing really well. I was somewhat surprised how well I was doing actually. Who am I, I thought. To not only say I was doing really well but I actually meant it.
An hour later I got an email from my agent asking for my availability to shoot the commercial the following Monday or Tuesday. Ahhh! Maybe it’ll be back on. Maybe it was meant to be afterall! I told her I’d make myself available NO. MATTER. WHAT. I started to get excited all over again. And thennnn later that day I got an email from casting saying that production was canceling the commercial shoot indefinitely.
Well let me just tell you - I didn’t take it so well the second time around. I was actually angry at God because it seemed like a cruel joke for him to take away the commercial two different times! And I had handled it so well the first time so why would he do that to me?! I couldn’t help but think that the birthday curse was alive and well. Look, I understand that curses probably aren’t real. But did you know that the Chicago Cubs couldnt win a world series for over 100 years because they were cursed by a goat? I know that it’s ridiculous but up until they won in 2016 I was fully on board with that curse because they never won? Just like my birthday seems to always derail.
So I lose the biggest acting accomplishment to date not one time but twice and then on my actual birthday where I live in Atlanta everything started shutting down. The day after my birthday I was going to teach a birthday themed spin class with all the best songs including “Go shorty it’s your birthday - you know we don’t give a bleep bc it’s your birthday.” Well turns out the world did give a bleep because the class got canceled and I got laid off instead. Again with the curse. That’s how strong it is - the whole world shut down.
It’s okay I thought. I still have my podcast. Thank goodness for my podcast. The one seemingly good thing that I had. When I started this podcast my #1 goal was to get on the New and Noteworthy list on Apple Podcasts. It had been my dream since I started planning the podcast in January. I talked to a friend of mine who had gotten on the list and although it is unknown exactly how a podcast gets chosen for it, he gave me some pointers that he thought could really help me. I wanted to be on this list because I believe in this podcast wholeheartedly. I really want to help people and women specifically grow more confident and more empowered. I lived the first 30 of my life playing it small and afraid to take big risks because of the fear of failing. I know how painful that is. I wanted so bad to help others and I knew getting on the New and Noteworthy list would help get my podcast in front of more people.
It was my understanding that a new podcast has 8 weeks to get on the list. I did everything I could think of to get on that list. I recorded and released so many episodes so people would always have new content to listen to. I wrote to Apple basically every week to request being put on the list. Well my 8 weeks ran up a couple weeks ago and I never made it on the list. I was so disappointed. That had been my goal and focus for the past 4 months and I failed. I had a goal and I didn’t make it.
I wouldn’t say I spiraled but I definitely felt down. I wondered if I should even continue. If I was even helping people. And I had all sorts of doubts and fears flood back. “Maybe I’m not good enough to achieve the big dreams that I want. Maybe I should just quit.” But, I’m not going to quit. I’m not going to throw in the towel. I know that you have likely experienced some disappointments during quarantine but I hope that you keep moving forward. Disappointment is a part of the game. Learn from those disappointments. Thank them even. And keep looking forward to the next goal. These are the things that helped me both times I felt disappointments the last couple months. Whatever your disappointment these tools can be applied.
Disappointments are always going to happen. It’s okay to be sad and angry and hurt. It’s okay to feel your feelings but try your best not to live in that space. Focus on what you can control. You can’t always control what happens but you can control how you respond to it. Try your best to keep looking to the future to keep looking toward where you want to go. One setback isn’t going to define you. If you’re open to it you will see that there are things that you can learn from any setback. Things that are going to make you a better version of yourself. Lessons that can help other people. Remember the bigger picture. Life isn't over. You are strong. You are courageous. You are powerful and you can keep moving forward. Even if you have to slow down a bit. This is your life. You get to decide the outcome. You get to decide if you pick yourself back up. It may be hard but we can do hard things.
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