Dirty Dancing Part 1 - Lawrence Welk's Church and Prostitution Camp

The autobiographical story of how a teenage girl breaks her dad's "no banging guys who knock up other ladies and then get them terrible abortion doctors" rule over the summer at a sex-trafficking church camp for rich hypocrites.

Yes, I know this is your mom's favorite movie. There's strike number one.

What Dirty Dancing is (besides a cultural phenomenon) is a non-movie. A series of events without what we in the biz like to call a plot is not a movie. No, the plot isn't "Baby falls in love" - that is over within the first 1/3 of the movie. No, the plot isn't "Baby learns to dance and wins the competition" - that happens halfway through. Best we can do is the plot is "Father learns daughter's summer love didn't impregnate a grown woman". That's not really something to put 100 minutes around.

Secondly, there's the icky. This movie is dripping with icky. No, it's not the dancing. The dancing viewed through modern lenses is quite wholesome. The icky is the glorification of statutory rape. Baby is 17. Johnny is 25. That's rape, period. Yes it wasn't illegal in NY in 1963. That doesn't make it ok. Stop making exceptions for having sex with children. Its not ok. But wait, there's more ick. The entire setting of this film is a sex-trafficking and forced prostitution resort. The wait staff's job is to bang the daughters of the rich customers and the entertainment staff's job is to bang the lonely wives of the rich customers - whether you want to or not and bitch better have my money. Its gross.

With that in mind, should you view this movie? Nope - and not because of the ick. The ick doesn't mean this movie should be censored or "cancelled" as dumb Ohio wrestling coaches gone US Congressmen wish we were saying. The ick just needs to stop being glorified. No, just don't watch this movie because it sucks and is bereft of actual content that makes up a story.