Once ADHD is identified as a primary factor in the challenges of a relationship it can sometimes be identified as the sole dilemma. This is never the case in any relationship, yet anger, frustration and resentment build to a point where the non-ADHD partner withdraws support and vulnerability often with an ultimatum of “fix your ADHD!”. Our partners are not immune from making their own meaning and years of undiagnosed ADHD behavior - the missed events, the forgotten tasks - can build to a convincing story of “They must not care about me”.
The hosts introduce their BEANS acronym with a focus on safety, needs and agreements. A partner can’t support if their sense of safety has eroded too much. The invisibility and inconsistency of ADHD can create a sense of uncertainty and lack of safety in the relationship. Cam and Shelly discuss ways to proceed to start to dismantle the parent/child dynamic that so often happens. Shelly discusses how detaching from outcome and distinguishing ‘my stuff, their stuff, our stuff’ can be a place to start when the ADHD partner has to proceed by themselves. Ultimately through effective communication and setting independent expectations, the partners can reintroduce safety and start to rebuild trust, but there may be a moment when in fact we have to push ahead and go it alone for a spell.
Episode links + resources:ADHD and Intuition
Shifting How We Converse with ADHD
ADHD and Managing Seeds of Doubt
ADHD: When Routines Collapse
Ego and Energy: ADHD and Reframing Narratives
ADHD, Context and Storytelling
ADHD and Practical Applications of Context
Context: ADHD Superpower
Revealing the True Self in a Coaching Engagement with ADHD
Finding Your True Self When Context Shifts with ADHD
Context and Embracing Your True Self with ADHD
Repurposing Negative Emotions with ADHD Part 2
Repurposing Negative Emotions with ADHD Part 1
Being Productive in the Midst of Modern Living with ADHD
Translating ADHD Live! at the Annual International Conference on ADHD
Co-creating the Coaching Scope of Work
Clarifying Coaching Goals and Outcomes: One Client’s ADHD Coaching Story
Navigating Barriers to Change: One Client’s ADHD Coaching Story
When Are You Ready for ADHD Coaching?
Signs You Are Stuck at the Third Barrier of ADHD - New Learning
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