Shadow Work, WTF?

Inside the MAFS Drama: Mean Girl Dynamics, Projection & Attachment Styles Decoded LIVE with Stella

Stella from MAFS sit's down with Caitlin to unpack her relationship and mean girl drama.You saw the dinner party chaos - now hear the psychology behind it.Stella sits down with Caitlin to unpack her relationship, the mean girl drama she was targeted by, and what was really happening beneath the surface.They go deep on:The anxious/avoidant dance Stella used to live in (and what shifted)Why “boring” can be the first sign of secure attachmentThe mean girl hierarchy, projection, and subtle power plays at the tableWhat not reacting actually communicates in high-conflict spacesHow real support looks (spoiler: not your friends yelling “fuck him!” on repeat)Compassion without reconciliation (aka: you can have empathy and still say NO)How to watch reality TV like free therapy instead of a public hangingWhether you’re watching MAFS or not, this episode will change how you see relationship drama — on screen and in your own life.If you love this episode please like, share and subscribe. Find us on socials here:Caitlin: https://www.instagram.com/complete_bycaitlin/Stella: https://www.instagram.com/mickstella_/

Ep. 119: Why 10 Years of Personal Development Didn't Work (Until Shadow Work): Student Spotlight with Lucy

In this episode, Caitlin and Lurinda sit down with Lucy, a mum of three who's been in the personal development space for a decade. Lucy gets honest about why all that mindset work and manifestation coaching helped her intellectually but never actually healed anything, and how Shadow Alchemy became the first approach that actually worked. From judging women in the gym to realising she was projecting her own desire for confidence, Lucy shares the messy truth about spiritual bypassing and what it really takes to move from understanding your patterns to actually healing them. Plus, some excellent tangents about going clubbing in your 30s and why we stop having fun as adults.This episode is for you if:You've done years of mindset work but keep running the same bloody patternsYou judge other women's confidence and secretly wish you had it tooYou can connect all the dots about your childhood trauma but still feel triggered by the same stuffYou've lost parts of yourself to motherhood or "adulting" and want them backWhat we'll cover:Why Lucy used to judge women in the gym and what that really meantThe difference between intellectually understanding your patterns and actually healing themHow spiritual bypassing keeps you stuck in analysis without feelingWhat happened when Lucy finally let her alterego come out at the nightclubResources Mentioned:Shadow Alchemy Certification: shadowalchemycoaching.comShadow Alchemy Coaching Academy: @shadowalchemycoachingacademyConnect with Us:This conversation will probably make you think about all the parts of yourself you've shut down in the name of being "appropriate." Share your thoughts with us @shadowalchemycoachingacademy - especially if you're ready to stop intellectualising your way through healing.If you've been doing mindset work for years but still find yourself stuck in the same patterns, maybe it's time to stop thinking your way through your trauma and start feeling it. Lucy's story is proof that understanding yourself isn't the same as healing yourself - sometimes you need to get out of your head and into your body. And maybe, just maybe, you need to go dancing.

Ep. 118: From Wedding Doubts to Deep Love: How My Avoidant Attachment Almost Sabotaged My Marriage

In this raw and deeply personal solo episode, Caitlin gets brutally honest about what really happened in the months leading up to her wedding - and it wasn't the fairy tale love bubble you see in movies. After recording this episode 35 times (yes, really), she finally lets it be messy and shares how her avoidant attachment patterns showed up in ways she never expected, how she almost convinced herself she was marrying the wrong person, and what she discovered when she dug beneath the surface of her doubts. This episode is the real, uncomfortable truth about what it takes to choose love when your nervous system is screaming "run."This episode is for you if:You've ever doubted a good relationship and wondered if there's something "better" out thereYou struggle with intimacy even when you feel safe with someoneYou keep having the same arguments with your partner and can't figure out whyYou're terrified that loving someone deeply means you'll be destroyed if you lose themWhat we'll cover:How avoidant attachment shows up differently in secure relationships versus toxic onesWhy Caitlin felt like she was "missing spark" and what she discovered about her relationship to seduction and intimacyThe mirror dynamic that showed her and her partner were actually facing the same fearsThe moment she realised her avoidance wasn't about commitment—it was about her terror of lossKey points:06:00:00 - The Wedding Doubt SpiralCaitlin shares how the question "what if I regret it?" started consuming her thoughts three months before the wedding.15:00:00 - Missing the SparkWhy she felt like something was missing in her relationship and what she discovered about her addiction to push-pull dynamics.25:00:00 - The Seductress ShadowHow Caitlin realised she'd shut down parts of herself that brought aliveness because she'd only used them as manipulation tactics.50:00:00 - The Deactivation StrategyHow Caitlin caught herself unconsciously starting fights to create distance when intimacy felt too vulnerable.This episode is messy, real, and probably longer than it needed to be—just like relationships. Share your thoughts with us @shadowalchemycoachingacademy, especially if you've recognised your own patterns in Caitlin's story.If you're in a relationship where someone isn't willing to meet you in curiosity and vulnerability, this episode might be the reality check you need. And if you're with someone who is willing to do the work, even when it's uncomfortable, maybe it's time to stop looking for problems and start co-creating solutions.

Ep. 117: The Advanced Facilitator Training: Why This 12-Month Initiation Will Transform Your Coaching Forever

In this candid episode of Shadow Work, WTF?, Caitlin sits down with support coach Lurinda to talk about the Advanced Shadow Alchemy Facilitator Training, and it's not the polished success story you might expect. Caitlin explains why she created this 12-month intensive that goes way beyond collecting more techniques, while Lurinda gets brutally honest about her experience as a current student. Spoiler: she thought she had her self sorted and was quickly proven wrong. This conversation reveals what happens when you move from scripts to intuitive space-holding, and why most coaches aren't ready for the level of surrender this path demands.This episode is for you if:You're bored of surface-level coaching techniquesYou've been secretly wondering if there's more depth available but don't know how to access itYou love the idea of advanced training but need a reality check about what it actually involvesYou want to hear someone be genuinely vulnerable about getting their masks ripped offWhat we'll cover:Why Caitlin created a year-long program when most people want quick fixesWhat happened when Lurinda walked in thinking she was "sorted" and got systematically humbledHow personal development tools can become sophisticated ways to hide from yourselfThe difference between being a good coach and being someone who can hold space for anythingKey Points and Timestamps:01:41:00 - Why This Exists Caitlin explains why she couldn't fit everything into Level 1 and what happens when coaches try to go deeper without proper foundation.25:13:00 - Lurinda's Reality CheckThe moment Lurinda realised she'd been weaponising her personal development work to build better walls around her mess.32:25:00 - Every Tool Becomes a TrapHow the more work you do, the better you get at appearing regulated while avoiding the deeper stuff.38:07:00 - Sink or SwimWhy the program moves fast enough to force you out of perfectionism and into trusting yourself completely.42:12:00 - The Bratty Student Lurinda owns up to turning into "a little brat" when her edges got hit and what that taught her about leadership.Resources Mentioned:Shadow Alchemy CertificationShadow Alchemy Coaching Academy: @shadowalchemycoachingacademyConnect with Us:This conversation might make you question everything you thought you knew about coaching training. Share your thoughts with us @shadowalchemycoachingacademy - especially if Lurinda's experience of getting her masks ripped off sounds terrifying but necessary.Curious about the Advanced Facilitator Training? Fair warning - this isn't about collecting more techniques or adding credentials to your bio. As Lurinda discovered, it's about getting humbled in ways you didn't see coming and learning to hold space when everything feels like it's moving too fast. If you're genuinely called to go deeper (not just because it sounds impressive), check out shadowalchemycoaching.com.

Ep 116: Coercion, Control & the Dark Side of Coaching With SJ Chiovitti

In this powerful episode of Shadow Work, WTF?, Caitlin sits down with SJ Chiovitti to unpack one of the most uncomfortable yet crucial conversations in the coaching industry: coercive control. With the recent introduction of coercive control laws in Australia, this conversation explores how these dynamics extend far beyond intimate relationships into coaching spaces, creating environments where clients slowly lose their autonomy and self-trust. SJ brings her background in psychology, behavioural finance, and trauma counselling to break down how seemingly supportive mentorship can become psychological captivity—and what we can all do differently.This episode is for you if:You've ever felt like you couldn't disagree with or question your coach without consequencesYou're a coach wondering if you're unconsciously creating codependent dynamics with clientsYou've noticed yourself adopting your mentor's language, style, or opinions without conscious choiceYou want to understand the difference between ethical influence and manipulation in coachingWhat we'll cover:How coercive control manifests in coaching spaces through subtle emotional manipulation and power imbalancesThe predictable progression from admiration to psychological dependence in mentoring relationshipsWhy spiritual and personal development language can be weaponised to avoid accountabilityPractical steps for coaches to create genuinely empowering, sovereignty-supporting containersKey Points and Timestamps:01:42:00 - Defining Coercive ControlSJ breaks down what coercive control actually means and how it removes true consent through psychological pressure disguised as care.09:42:00 - The Progression into High ControlHow coaching relationships start with admiration and gradually shift into psychological captivity through pedestalling and power imbalances.22:50:00 - Creating Ethical Coaching SpacesPractical guidance for coaches on how to maintain client sovereignty, ask before offering insight, and make repair normal rather than rare.43:15:00 - Building Capacity to Speak TruthSJ shares her journey of developing the nervous system capacity to call out harmful patterns while modelling better alternatives.1:04:04:00 - Red Flags and Next StepsClear warning signs to watch for and actionable steps for both coaches and clients to create or find healthier dynamics.Resources Mentioned:Follow SJ Chiovitti: @sj.chiovittiShadow Alchemy Certification: shadowalchemycoaching.comShadow Alchemy Coaching Academy: @shadowalchemycoachingacademyConnect with Us:This conversation challenges some deeply embedded norms in the coaching industry. Share your thoughts with us @shadowalchemycoachingacademy⁠.If you're ready to learn how to create genuinely ethical coaching containers that support client sovereignty rather than dependence, Shadow Alchemy Certification teaches shadow work through embodied practice and ethical frameworks. Our next immersion is coming up, and we're committed to raising the standard of safety in this industry. Learn more at shadowalchemycoaching.com.