'That's the root of perfectionism: that chronic deficit thinking, the belief that we're not good enough. That we're not attractive enough, smart enough, fit enough, whatever it might be. In order to compensate for those feelings, we project on to the world a perfect persona that we feel like everybody wants to see – that we should be, essentially. And it's exhausting if you have to keep that up in every single interaction.'
Welcome back to another season of Alonement. My first guest on this season is Dr Thomas Curran, a world leading expert on perfectionism and the author of The Perfection Trap: The Power Of Good Enough In A World That Always Wants More. Endorsed by the likes of Adam Grant and, more recently, Gwyneth Paltrow, The Perfection Trap is the culmination of years of academic research, interwoven with other expert voices, and as well as being rooted in academia it’s also chatty, engaging and honest, which was not something I expected from an academic text. In this conversation, we chat about the relationship between alone time and perfectionism. This includes how solitude can sometimes be used as a space to recover from perfectionism, for practising a hobby that you’re not, technically, very good at – purely for the joy of it. But also the danger of bringing your own perfectionist tendencies along, like trying to get a PB every time you go for a solo run. We also touch on the potential loneliness of relocating you have to do as an academic professor – or any lifestyle, like digital nomadism, that involves rootlessness and moving around a lot. Finally, we discuss how time outside – specifically cycling in nature – is Thom’s favourite kind of alonement, and how sometimes finding joy in solitude can come to our rescue in our lowest moments.
Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device (you can also use the code ALONEMENT at checkout).
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Emma Gannon: Rediscovering Who You Are, Offline
Roxie Nafousi: On Manifesting, Vision Boarding, & Why Solo Time Is Integral
Isy Suttie: I'm An Introverted Extrovert
Angelica Malin: The Secret To Living Your Best Single Life
Oliver Burkeman: Stop Feeling Bad About Being Human
Dr Julie Smith: The Power Of Self-Soothing (& How To Do It)
Erling Kagge: 50 Days Alone In The South Pole
Radhika Sanghani: How I Fell In Love With Myself
Alonement: Season 6 Trailer
Natasha Lunn: Love Is Protecting Each Other’s Solitude
Michael James Wong: Mindfulness & The Value Of Inaction Skills
Kate Wills: Divorce, Solo Travel & New Beginnings
Mo Gawdat: Why I'm Becoming A 'Half-Monk'
Emma John: Being Single In Your Forties
Lorraine Candy: The Joys Of Cold Water Swimming
Alex Soojung-Kim Pang: Finding Purpose & Focus At Work
Bella Younger: Social Media Addiction & Killing Off Deliciously Stella
Rekesh Chauhan: Loneliness Awareness Week Miniseries
Cheryl Rickman: Loneliness Awareness Week Miniseries
Alex Holmes: Loneliness Awareness Week Miniseries
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