'That's the root of perfectionism: that chronic deficit thinking, the belief that we're not good enough. That we're not attractive enough, smart enough, fit enough, whatever it might be. In order to compensate for those feelings, we project on to the world a perfect persona that we feel like everybody wants to see – that we should be, essentially. And it's exhausting if you have to keep that up in every single interaction.'
Welcome back to another season of Alonement. My first guest on this season is Dr Thomas Curran, a world leading expert on perfectionism and the author of The Perfection Trap: The Power Of Good Enough In A World That Always Wants More. Endorsed by the likes of Adam Grant and, more recently, Gwyneth Paltrow, The Perfection Trap is the culmination of years of academic research, interwoven with other expert voices, and as well as being rooted in academia it’s also chatty, engaging and honest, which was not something I expected from an academic text. In this conversation, we chat about the relationship between alone time and perfectionism. This includes how solitude can sometimes be used as a space to recover from perfectionism, for practising a hobby that you’re not, technically, very good at – purely for the joy of it. But also the danger of bringing your own perfectionist tendencies along, like trying to get a PB every time you go for a solo run. We also touch on the potential loneliness of relocating you have to do as an academic professor – or any lifestyle, like digital nomadism, that involves rootlessness and moving around a lot. Finally, we discuss how time outside – specifically cycling in nature – is Thom’s favourite kind of alonement, and how sometimes finding joy in solitude can come to our rescue in our lowest moments.
Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device (you can also use the code ALONEMENT at checkout).
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Me Time | Dr Emma Hepburn: Finding 'Flow'
Nihal Arthanayake: We Need To Talk About Male Loneliness
Me Time | Daisy Buchanan: Life Advice From A Former Agony Aunt
Holly Bourne: The Alternative Version of 'Happily Ever After'
Me Time | Erling Kagge: London Is Lonelier Than Antarctica
Salma El-Wardany: Heartbreak Made Me Whole Again
Me Time | Sophia Money-Coutts: Egg Freezing & The Option Of Solo Parenting
Dr Kat Lederle: Does Sleep Count As 'Me-Time'?
Me Time | Vick Hope: Why I Am My Own Soulmate
Emma Forrest: Finding Solitude & Romance In Celibacy
Me Time | Mo Gawdat: How To Make Friends With Your Brain
Phoebe Fox: Does Absence Make The Heart Grow Fonder?
Me Time | Dr Julie Smith: What's The Point Of Journalling?
Megan Hine: A Survival Expert On Being Your Own Hero
Me Time | Florence Given: Choosing Myself Over My ‘Clique’
Owen O'Kane: How To Stop Living On Autopilot
Me Time | Alain De Botton: The Art Of Getting To Know Yourself
Iona Bain: Solo Finance, Living Alone & The 'Single Supplement'
Abigail Bergstrom: Hanging Out With The Best Version Of Yourself
Olivia Petter: The Right (& Wrong) Ways To Navigate Solitude In A Relationship
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