Let’s All Do Boy Sober Summer! - ATS - 7.12.24

Oh yeah bitches, it is Chainsaw Friyay and the weather is just perfect for sawing your burgers, steaks and dogs apart this weekend. However, I should probably put out this dire warning to enjoy all that cooked meat while you can because we are on the brink of an apocalypse. Be it eventual radiated zombies or all of us just being confined to our houses while wars start all around us, we definitely need to be prepared. Enter Costco, which Angi came to realize yesterday, sells apocalypse dinner kits. These $63 5 gallon black buckets of non perishable food have a shelf life of 25 years and 132 servings in them. The mylar pouches contain 8 different meal options including breakfast, drink and desserts. Marris was honestly having none of this though he did admit he did want to be able to eat and not just get eaten, which is bound to happen when the zombies, cannibals or religious zealots come bursting through the door. He also questioned how it would taste but we actually had a response for that. According to someone who bought in on this nonsense, they said it was tasty. So all you need is some non radiated room temp water (good luck with that in the apocalypse) and dinner is served. Marris added though that when he ate an MRE that his friend had, it was kind of awful. Angi had one from her uncle and she said it honestly wasn't that bad so I guess we're split on this one. Also, it's the apocalypse so you're kind of going to eat whatever you can get your hand on. That said, we had to ask what the two of them would want in their survival buckets. Marris sought out seasoning packets, hot sauce and of course, fried rice (no one said this wasn't going to teeter into delusion.) As for Angi's, she would want wine and gummies in hers because she needs to relax. Marris was concerned about the fermenting of the wine but as any good drunk knows, some get better with age. Plus, maybe she could use some of her stash to get the zombies drunk or high.