Last time Dorcas Cheng-Tozun was on the show, she joined me in sunny California to discuss the ins and outs of supporting an entrepreneurial spouse. Today, things are a bit different: Dorcas is in Nairobi, Kenya, sharing all about the big move and how moving overseas three times over the past decade inspired her book Start, Love, Repeat: How to Stay in Love with Your Entrepreneur in a Crazy Start-up World.
Dorcas is a woman who practices what she preaches. Like Tim Ferriss, she makes herself a guinea pig to test her hypotheses – and now she has an opportunity to test the principles from Start, Love, Repeat in the field.
Because with being an entrepreneurial – or the family member of an entrepreneur – comes distractions.
There’s so much going on and so many moving parts, and things like the work that needs to get done, taking care of your kids, housework, errands, and other activities can pull all of your focus.
But when you spend all of your time focusing on everything else, you can end up losing the touchpoints that a relationship needs in order to stay closely connected. And as that happens, questions and doubts about your relationship can slip into your mind.
So how do you come back from that or prevent yourself from getting to that place?
Critically, it’s important to recognize that “trust can be a choice.” You may not necessarily be feeling it in the moment, but if you choose to act like you do and choose to continue sharing with them, those actions can actually reinforce your bond.
“Your behavior comes first, and then your mind, spirit, and soul can follow.”
If you don’t make the choice to try, it can be devastating to a relationship. Because as it turns out, the number one reason people get divorced isn’t actually infidelity or any big event – it’s because they give up; they feel like the spark is gone and they just stop investing in the relationship.
One of the first steps when we’re talking about maintaining intimacy is the recognition that it’s not going to happen by itself.
So listen empathetically and get to know one another. That’s how you’ll ultimately connect emotionally. Really, it’s impossible to overemphasize just how important that is – because you CAN make a choice to create the conditions that help develop intimacy!
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Resources:
Learn more at chengtozun.com Connect with Dorcas: Facebook | Twitter |Ep. 115 - The Risk of Not Taking Risks - with Zach Obront
Ep. 114 - Creating a Vivid Vision & Collaborating on the Future - with Cameron Herold
Ep. 113 - You’re Not Normal, You’re an Entrepreneur - with Malorie Tadimi
Ep. 112 - Never Limit Your Life: Old-School Rap + New-School Mindset - with Derek Clark AKA The Rapping Dad
Ep. 111 - Shaping Stories & Faces on the Silver Screen - with makeup artist John Caglione Jr.
Ep. 110 - The Perfect Day Formula: Get Beyond the Morning Routine - with Craig Ballantyne
Ep. 109 - The Changing Image of Entrepreneurship - with Bo Burlingham, Editor-at-Large of Inc.
Ep. 108 - Adversity? Bring It On: Moving from Mental Paralysis to Progress - with Nathan Ogden
Ep. 107 - Become The Ideal Team Player - with Patrick Lencioni
Ep. 106 - Reshape the Story of Your Life & Elevate Your Inner Hero - with Andy Janning
Ep. 105 - Mentoring the Next Gen of Athletes & Allowing Your Purpose to Change - with Olympians Caroline Burckle & Rebecca Soni of RISE Athletes
Ep. 104 - What You Can Learn from the New Rules of Marksmanship - with Chris Sajnog
Ep. 103 - Bada** Bodies, Big Brother, & Broken Bones: Finding Purpose & Choosing to Change - with Christmas Abbott
Ep. 102 - Take Your Life Pro - with Dana Cavalea
Ep. 101 - Find Your WHAT - with Steve Olsher, America’s Reinvention Expert
Ep. 100 - Celebrating Our Centennial - with a Very Special Guest
Ep. 99 - How the Science of Mental Preparation Can Help You Succeed - with Daniel McGinn
Ep. 98 - Find Your Purpose, Be a Positive Leader, & Transform the World - with Jon Gordon
Ep. 97 - How to Learn from, Manage, and Take Risks - with former Navy SEAL Kevin Lacz
Ep. 96 - Pioneering the Future of Learning & Healthcare - with Eren Bali of Udemy & Carbon Health
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