Moonfall—written and directed by the master of "Disaster Movies" Roland Emmerich—is, quite ironically, a disaster of a movie.
Essentially, in Moonfall, the Moon is on a crash course with earth because malevolent artificial intelligence (AI) has knocked it off its axis. Oh, and the moon is actually a megastructure that was created by an ancient population in the far distant past.
That society built the Moon to escape the evil AI, ensuring their species—us, or humanity rather—would be able to survive. None of this is a joke.
Without Bruce Willis and his mining crew to save Earth, we're left with Samwell Tarley and Orm, a disgraced astronaut who encountered the asshole AI ten years prior.
Anyway, loads of dumb stuff happens, CGI gets vomited all over the screen, unearned family feels occur, and, ultimately, the day is saved.
We can only expect that Emmerich consulted several moronic conspiracy theorists while writing it. Hence why it received mediocre reviews—36% on Rotten Tomatoes with 214 of them–and failed to recoup its sizable budget. It earned just $67.3 million worldwide on a budget as high as $150 million.
For Emmerich, who independently produced this nonsense, Moonfall was a financial crater.
Now, sit back, send your tastebuds into orbit with a Space Dust IPA from Elysian Brewing, and be wary of space conspiracy theories! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, Capt. Cash, and Bling Blake are sending nukes to the Moon!
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Death to Smoochy – Gluten and Laugh Free
47 Ronin – Ronin with My Homies
Prince of Persia – The Lion of Central Casting
Gangster Squad – La La Confidential
Prey – Do Not Kill the Dog
Predators – Crazy Larry’s Den of Alien Antiquities
The Predator – Leaking Spinal Fluid
Predator 2 – Pred Harder
The Alamo – Remember It
The Last Duel – Misogynistic Gladiators
Almost Heroes – Drinking Has Its Benefits
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword – Arthur Begins
Dracula Dead and Loving It – Mister, Mister
Morbius – It’s Morbin’ Time!
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