Half Past Dead is the last feature film with Steven Seagal as the main star to earn a theatrical release. If one were to track what came after, that would come as no surprise.
In his thankfully short-lived action cinema prime, Seagal was serviceable. Light on charm, looks, and acting acumen, his unique brand of punishment was entertaining enough. But, as the years and the pounds piled on, the sheen wore off. Dramatically.
Half Past Dead is a window into the next two decades of Seagal mumbling and sleep walking his way through increasingly terrible movies. There is little effort and most of the fighting is done by his plethora of stunt doubles.
This would all be sad to watch if we weren't privy to what a tremendous asshole he is. There are very few movie stars who deserved to fall as flat on their face as he did. Even the 3% Half Past Dead scored on Rotten Tomatoes is probably too generous.
Now, sit back, dull your senses with an Arctic Panzer Wolf from 3 Floyd's Brewing, and get those doo rags on! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Capt. Cash are half past caring about this mess of a movie!
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Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – Knowledge is Our Treasure
Robocop 3 – Needs to be Decommissioned
Alien Covenant – Demented David’s Dungeon of Curiosities
Prometheus – There is No Why
Alien Resurrection – Kill It with Fire!
Alien 3 – Lock Her Up
Damned River – River Rat Rage
Drop Zone – Look Out Below
Rollerball – Prison Rules
Airborne – Wannabe Bullwinkle
Moonfall – Nuke the Moon!
Three Thousand Years of Longing – Not Worth the Wait
The Northman – Naked Volcano Fight
Black Adam – It’s Electrifying
The Wizard – It’s So Bad
Mars Attacks! – Ak Ak
GI Joe: The Movie – At Ease, Disease
RIPD – Here Come the Men in Flak
Mystery, Alaska – The Mighty Yuks
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