Half Past Dead is the last feature film with Steven Seagal as the main star to earn a theatrical release. If one were to track what came after, that would come as no surprise.
In his thankfully short-lived action cinema prime, Seagal was serviceable. Light on charm, looks, and acting acumen, his unique brand of punishment was entertaining enough. But, as the years and the pounds piled on, the sheen wore off. Dramatically.
Half Past Dead is a window into the next two decades of Seagal mumbling and sleep walking his way through increasingly terrible movies. There is little effort and most of the fighting is done by his plethora of stunt doubles.
This would all be sad to watch if we weren't privy to what a tremendous asshole he is. There are very few movie stars who deserved to fall as flat on their face as he did. Even the 3% Half Past Dead scored on Rotten Tomatoes is probably too generous.
Now, sit back, dull your senses with an Arctic Panzer Wolf from 3 Floyd's Brewing, and get those doo rags on! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Bling Blake, and Capt. Cash are half past caring about this mess of a movie!
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Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City – Itchy, but Not So Tasty
The Happening – It’s Crappening
Showdown in Little Tokyo – Samurai Cop
Double Team – Spy Island
Firestorm – You Still Alive, Smokejumper!?
Stone Cold – Mullets and Motorcycles
Kill the Irishman – So Called Mafia
Striking Distance – Jagoff Cops
Road House – Our Way or the Highway
Deadbeat at Dawn – Straight Outta Dayton
The Matrix Resurrections – Face-Zucker-Suck
End of Days – Satan’s a Choir Boy Compared to Arnold
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Out Cold – Playboy Bunny Slope
Home Sweet Home Alone – Make It Stop
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