Midlife Love Bytes! | Relationship | Insight | Psychology | Healthy Love | Transition

17 Burning Questions ANSWERED

In this episode, Beth answers several related Burning Questions that have come in. You may have some of the same questions and the answers just might be surprisingly simple. First,Beth reviews the overarching framework to her Dating, Mating, & Relating Coaching: Preparation: preparing yourself for good relationship Attraction: knowing how it works Connection: doing what works to get you connected Evaluation: being able to look at this fairly and make decisions Relationship: making very healthy love work. Listen for the answers to the same burning questions YOU may be asking.

16 Midlife Crisis For Everyone!

It's not a scandal; it's NORMAL! Learn how the psychosocial navigation of midlife is just a life passage affecting every single one of us. According to Erik Erickson, it occurs between the ages of 34 and 60 and includes four objectives Beth covers as we navigate the polarities of Generativity and Stagnation. Learn how central personality questions help to complicate the process and how they can be a key to helping you decide between RED flags (or deal-breakers) and PINK flags (your internal signals that are just invitations for growth!) You are already engaging the area of EVALUATION in relationship! Now get smart about it and make the distinction between reasons to break-up and reasons to regenerate in midlife and grow! Burning Question from Lydia, a 58-year old grandmother of two and in a relationship for the pat year and a half with an old beau. She's torn between her newish/old man and the pull toward her grandchildren and children. She wants to know how to evaluate fairly the connection with this great guy. Erik Erickson says the psychosocial crisis is decided AS people interact with their environment and engage their creativity. People in this life stage have these objectives: Managing a career. Can include evaluating the meaning of it, making a difference, midlife career change, starting to contribute more to others than just making an identity or making a living. Nurturing an intimate relationship. If you're in a long-term marriage it may mean fueling the passion. If you haven't had a successful, long-term relationship you probably want more than ever to get it right! Expanding care relationships. This includes caring for aging parents and taking care of children. As longevity increases it also means we are expanding care to grandchildren at the same time! Managing a household. Part of evaluating a connection (and your life) fairly is to know yourself well. It can help you distinguish between Red flags and Pink flags. Ask yourself if these are your DRIVING NEEDS. You want to be good, to have integrity, to act according to your conscnience. You're serious about improving and fixing the lives of others. You want to be loved unconditionally. Because it's so important, you love others and do for them and that helps you reinforce your image of yourself and good feelings about yourself. You want to feel valuabela dn worthwhile, to do what it takes and be the best you can be, to do what it takes to achieve or please other people. You want to find yourself, to solidify a significant identity and prolong selected feelings while moving away from the others. You want to be capable and confident, to be competent and master something that proves it. You may want to retreat into study or research or practice before you emerge into the world. (Trouble is, you may rarely consider yourself ready to move out into the world.) Do you want to find security and support, to belong, and have solid loyalty from friends? You create social alliances and structures, even frameworks of belief that help you feel solid. Maybe you want primarily to be satisfied, to be content, to have your needs met, to be stimulated and avoid boredom. You may spend your time doing those things that support your self-satisfaction. Sacrifice might not fit in your vocabulary. You want to protect yourself, to control your life, to be master of your own destiny and to prove your strength in action and achievement. You like winning and all of life seems appropriate as a contest. You want to experience inner peace and stability. Others see you as the calm in the midst of storm, a stabilizing force. Trouble is, they can't see how much energy it takes to be the peacemaker and the avoid conflict. Recognize yourself? Have you asked yourself what that driving need gets you? Here's the advice: Be kind to yourself and to the other person. Gentle it up! Take a deep breath and tell yourself "I can be kind." Accept that you have relationship with REAL PEOPLE. (And this is a love relationship with a human being.) Learn to identify what are RED flags and what are PINK flags. Deal breakers: Cuts to the heart, violates central value and worth: cutting down, critical sense of humor, inattention to big needs (empathy and role compatibility.) Can you TALK about what's important to each one of you? Pink flags are about you! Take a look at those internal driving needs. If you think it's a pink flag, you're probably right! This could just be your own midlife crisis. Don't break hearts or crush a good relationship; do your own growth in this stage! In Cincinnati?  Don't miss the Get Set for Love Seminar July 28 from 6-9 pm. Read more about it here.  

15 A Good Divorce

Hear the why and how behind the Rules for a Cooperative Divorce. These Rules (compiled by Boyan & Termini and part of their Cooperative Parenting Institute) were written by a teen whose parents divorced but apply for children of divorced parents of ALL ages, even adults. Beth expands on the Rules and of course, shares personal examples.

14 Relationship 101

Beth Luwandi, LPC speaks with Rebecca Wong, LCSW-R, Relationship Therapist and creator of Connectfulness. Find out more at www.connectfulness.com. Learn more about relationship issues including empathy, connection, conflict, and asking for what we need. Rebecca introduces Relationship Reboot, her upcoming email program designed to recharge you in the areas of energy, money, and time. Developed in collaboration with a yoga instructor and a financial planner, Rebecca adds her expertise in relationship to round out this perfect marriage of these three areas where people clash. Burning Question of the episode comes from 57 year-old woman in a second marriage for 17 years: How do I get my husband to express more empathy? Enjoy the show and be sure to subscribe for FREE on iTunes and read the show notes at bethluwandi.com.

13 Being Critical or is there Trouble?

Are those deal breakers in you marriage, relationship, connection, or date selection? Beth takes a deep look at Bert Adams' 1986 research-based triangle of the Five Phases of Mate Selection in the US and how the common, normal sense, acceptance, and structure of coupling can be a comfort AND a guide no matter what your situation. Includes a definition of red versus pink flags. Pay attention to both, but in different ways! Answering the burning question from Sarah: How do I know if this man is the wrong one for me? Find complete show notes at www.midlifelovebytes.com.