How To Feel Better About Yourself

Self-compassion reduces our feelings of shame and self-doubt. We explore a practice to help quiet our inner critic with kindness.

Link to episode transcript: https://tinyurl.com/ytek6jxk

Episode summary:

What does your inner critic sound like? For René Brooks, it’s the adults who misunderstood her ADHD symptoms as a child, before she was diagnosed later in life. For our show, René tried a self-compassionate writing exercise that helped her re-examine how she treats herself in difficult situations. She highlights why self-compassion is so important for marginalized communities in particular, and how as a Black woman, she puts double the pressure on herself to achieve and has come to use shame and self-judgment to motivate herself. The practice helps her to disrupt that tendency by noticing the way she speaks to herself and learning to take a more compassionate tone, instead. Later, we hear from psychologist Serena Chen, who expands on how cultivating self-compassion can help us embrace our true selves, which can lead to greater life satisfaction, increased well-being and closer social relationships.

Practice:

1. Think of something that makes you feel guilty, ashamed or insecure.

2. Notice how you feel and write down your emotions.

3. Imagine someone who loves you unconditionally and write a letter to yourself from their perspective, using the tone they would use with you, and expressing acceptance and understanding. Acknowledge that no one is perfect and there are likely many people struggling with the very same thing you are.

4. In a compassionate way, ask yourself whether there are things that you could do to improve or better cope with this negative aspect. Focus on how constructive changes could make you feel happier, healthier, or more fulfilled, and avoid judging yourself.

5. Try to complete the practice on a weekly or monthly basis.

Learn more about this practice at Greater Good In Action:

https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/self_compassionate_letter

Today’s guests:

René Brooks is the creator of the blog Black Girl, Lost Keys. She draws on her personal experiences to coach and assist adults with ADHD.

Visit René’s Blog: https://blackgirllostkeys.com/

Follow René on Twitter: https://tinyurl.com/2p9caj5v

Follow René on Instagram: https://tinyurl.com/3a96882u

Follow René on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/blackgirllostkeys/

Serena Chen is the Chair of the Psychology department at UC Berkeley. Her research is focused on self-compassion, wellbeing and social interaction.

Learn more about Serena and her work: https://tinyurl.com/mry3vx3v

Follow Serena on Google Scholar: https://tinyurl.com/3btm3jn8

Resources from The Greater Good Science Center:

The Five Myths of Self-Compassion: https://tinyurl.com/4tfp7d73

Why Self-Compassion Trumps Self-Esteem: https://tinyurl.com/5a6phdx3

Why Is Self-Compassion So Hard for Some People? https://tinyurl.com/2x4v3r72

The Three Components of Self-Compassion: https://tinyurl.com/mwa2zddp

Want to Change your Life? Try Self-Compassion: https://tinyurl.com/2y2ryc6m

More Resources on Self-Compassion

Happiness Break: How to Be Your Own Best Friend, with Kristin Neff:  https://tinyurl.com/3fj4yfrn

TED - Dare to rewire your brain for self-compassion: https://tinyurl.com/yc2ru73p

Harvard Health - The power of self-compassion: https://tinyurl.com/yc7usmx5

BBC - Why self-compassion – not self-esteem – leads to success: https://tinyurl.com/yj2zax8x

How have you tried practicing self-compassion? Email us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or use the hashtag #happinesspod to tell us about it.

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