#45: One Word For Your Wellbeing

At the start of 2022, I set an intention. I do this every year over the winter break to help me stay aligned with my values and goals. This year, my intention is wellbeing. 

Like many of you, 2021 was not kind to my health; both mental and physical. There was so much going on with the pandemic and all of the constant changes and adjustments that came with it. And then of course those of us living in B.C. experienced extreme weather and destruction in three of the four seasons. It was exhausting just getting through each day and week. And unlike other tough years, 2021 seemed to lack an important ingredient; hope. 

2022 started off a little ugly with Omicron and of course, the convoy craziness that I was not able to turn off, but despite that, it does seem a bit more hopeful and optimistic. At least that’s the attitude my wellbeing intention is focused on.

I know it’s only been two months of living this intention, but I am proud to say putting my attention on my own wellbeing has highlighted a very important strategy for success. And although it is multi-faceted, I have been able to boil it down to one word; and that word is not what you think!

Here is a summary of this short and sweet episode:

• Last year I created a wonderful decision-making tool to help me stay focused and I am still using it because it works! But what I realized early this year is that just having that process wasn’t 100% foolproof.

• One important word my decision-making process led me to was "no." But sometimes just saying no isn't enough if you feel shame or guilt or fear after you say it.
• I share a personal example of how this realization came to me and how a clearer definition of shame versus guilt was helpful. In her book, Daring Greatly, Brene Brown explains the difference between shame and guilt. She says, “Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is “I am bad.” Guilt is “I did something bad.” How many of you, if you did something that was hurtful to me, would be willing to say, “I’m sorry. I made a mistake?” How many of you would be willing to say that? Guilt: I’m sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I’m sorry. I am a mistake.”
• In order to overcome these feelings, I tapped into Brene's recommended antidote - empathy.
• Here are a couple of suggestions on how to extend empathy to yourself and support your wellbeing.
• • journal a list of recent accomplishments
  • recognize your humanity and vulnerability
  • approach negative emotions with a perspective of curiosity
  • talk to yourself like you would talk to your best friend

• The next time you feel your wellbeing slipping away from you because you are sacrificing it to appear good and worthy to others or to live up to unrealistic expectations or standards, remember the one word that is essential to your wellbeing; empathy.

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