In today’s episode we’re going to dip our toes into some interesting waters that may be uncharted for you: Dominatrixes. That’s right, we’re going to be talking about women who work as professional “mistresses,” who take on a dominant role as it pertains to bondage and discipline… and before you say that you know nothing about this world, let me remind you that dominatrix culture has become increasingly prevalent in recent years, and has been featured in countless popular movies and television shows, including Castle, Sherlock, Billions — even Family Guy. So even if you’ve never experienced a dominatrix firsthand, you may already get the general idea of the strength these women are paid to convey, and the fact that they are experts at exerting control, maintaining power, and dominating the room.
This week’s guest Lindsay Goldwert is the author of the new book, “Bow Down: Lessons From Dominatrixes On How To Get Everything You Want.” In her book, she explores all aspects of control, and what it means to have more of it in your working life and in your financial life. Her book is already challenging people’s notions of traditional power dynamics, and has put a spotlight on a world where women not only don’t apologize, they actually enjoy seizing control.
Jean and Lindsay explore the topic of control, and how those of us who aren’t comfortable with it can learn to assert it. “No one springs from the womb as an alpha woman who walks into any room and owns it, who doesn't care what people think, who doesn’t need anyone to tell her what’s right,” Lindsay says. No one is born that way, but they can learn how to embrace that more assertive side of ourselves, and understand the difference between assertive and aggressive. So, how can we all gain the confidence we need to command the room? Among other things, Lindsay says practice makes perfect, and to never underestimate the importance of asking questions (tons of questions!) and finding a good mentor.
The pair also dive into negotiation, and why we don’t ask for what we think we deserve… In many cases, it’s because we’re afraid of being rejected. But as long as your request isn’t unreasonable, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t ask for more. Lindsay also says that the dominatrixes she met taught her the importance of speaking up and saying what you want first. “So many times we wait for other people to set the expectations, and then we’re disappointed,” she says. “Say what you want, and then the other person can come back to you and offer to meet you in the middle, but many times they won’t. People want to be led. They want to be told where to sit and what to do.”
In Mailbag, Kathryn and Jean talk through a number of questions, including one from a listener wondering if she should open up a new credit card to capture additional rewards options, and one from a woman curious if she should channel her funds towards paying down credit card debt or saving for retirement. We also hear from a listener who is feeling disappointed that her request for a raise and title change was largely ignored, and is curious about what her next career move should be. Lastly, in Thrive, Jean dishes on mobile payment apps and how they may be inspiring us to spend more than we would otherwise — 23% more, to be exact — and how we can avoid falling victim to the ease of tech-enabled spending.
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Mailbag: We have $146,000 in student loan debt, how do we pay it down?
Ep 424: If Your Budget Isn't Working, Here's Why
Ep 423: How A Coupon Influencer Found Herself In Debt
Mother’s Day Mailbag: I just went through a divorce. How do I make sure we’re financial exes as well?
Ep 422: Media, Money, and Messy Women
Mailbag: Financial advice for the recently retired, plus resources for teaching your kids about money.
Ep 421: Redefining Success In the Winner-Take-All Economy
Mailbag: The best place to keep summer job money, plus how to keep an emergency fund.
Ep 420: What Financial Freedom Means For Millennials
An Economist Weighs In On Being A Woman
Ep 419: What Your Culture Says About The Way You Manage Money
Make the Mundane Meaningful With Mike Norton
Ep 418: The Menopause Brain with Dr. Lisa Mosconi
Budgeting For Your Closet
Ep 417: Why MLMs Love To Target Women
Mailbag: How to get out of a bad property investment and manage your finances after a raise.
Ep 416: Get What You Want With Charles Duhigg
Mailbag: I love my nonprofit job, but are they taking advantage of me?
Ep 415: How A Personal Finance Expert Fell For A Financial Scam With Charlotte Cowles
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