Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.
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Show Notes:
thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-evers
Nuggets:
0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms
0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice
0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy
0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships
0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian
0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity
0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?
0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner
0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships
0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know
0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest
0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners
0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience
0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner
0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable
1:05:10 – Active listening skills
1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner
1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously
1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them
1:18:30 – Staying in the room
1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”
1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?
1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”
1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip
1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship
1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing
1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship
1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation
1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner
1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist
EP 220: Alannah Yip (Olympian) — Alopecia, Finding Power Beyond Hair Loss, and Her Fight Against Disordered Eating
EP 219: Fitz Cahall (The Dirtbag Diaries, Climbing Gold) — A Lifetime of Storytelling, Taking Authorship of Your Time, and Being Pro But Not Fancy
EP 218: Mat Wright — Sending One of the World's Hardest Trad Climbs, 'Rhapsody' E11
EP 217: A Masterclass in Relieving Stress, Sleeping Better, & Improving Focus Using Self-Hypnosis — Dr. David Spiegel (Stanford Psychiatrist)
EXTRA: Maddy Cope — A Masterclass in Endurance Training
EP 216: Maddy Cope — Erase Your Bucket List, Embrace Discomfort, and Discover the Joy of Missing Out
EP 215: Nathan Williams — Lessons From 100+ Days on a V17, the Simplest Way to Get Strong Fingers, and Static Shenanigans
EP 214: How to Find Contentment in Your Climbing, Banish Shame, and Send Harder Than Ever — Neely Quinn (TrainingBeta, Life Coach)
EP 213: Simon Lorenzi — Three V17s, the Fascinating Story Behind ‘Soudain Seul’, and Dream V18 Projects
EP 212: Filmmaker Carlos Mason on Creating SENDING — A Look Behind the Scenes at One of My Favorite Climbing Films
EP 211: Davis Ngo (dr.climb) — Blowing Up on Instagram, Why Pro Climbers Deserve to Get Paid, and Overcoming Fear After Injury
EP 210: Stefano Ghisolfi — Chasing the Impossible, Using Humor to Send, and Two Drills for Legendary Endurance
EP 209: Graham Zimmerman — Going to the Mountains to Learn, the 100-Year Plan, and Imperfect Advocacy
EP 208: Jesse Grupper — Optimistic Training, Last Place to Olympian, and Leveling Up His Bouldering
SEND ALERT: Will Bosi — ‘Return of the Sleepwalker’ V17, and What He Plans to Try Next!
EP 207: How to Rehab Finger Injuries, Build Bulletproof Wrists & Elbows, and Never Get Injured Again — Paul Houghoughi (The Climbing Physio)
EP 206: Building a Perfect Replica of ‘The Big Island’ V15, Training on Your Projects, and the Ideal Circuit — Charlie Schreiber Returns
SEND ALERT: Kai Lightner — ‘Life of Villains’ 9a, Not Rushing the Process, and Building Jamaica’s First Climbing Wall
EP 205: Adrian Vanoni — Finger Crack Wizardry, Blue Collar Sending, and Lucid Dreams About Beta
EP 204: Anak Verhoeven — How to Build 9a Endurance, Why Motivation Trumps Fancy Facilities, and Being Public About Her Faith
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