The EXTRAORDINARY Family Life Podcast
Kids & Family:Parenting
On Instagram, I saw a reel that stated "Myth: Sex is a need. Fact: Sex is a desire, not a need."
"All of us can live without sex; we cannot live without water, food, or belonging."
I had to disagree and responded: "It depends on how you define 'need'. For survival, no. For connection, bonding, and love -- yes, it's a need. Can you imagine if you're husband said, "You don't NEED me to talk to you. It's just a desire' and then went days, weeks, or months without talking because it's not a 'need'? You would feel pretty neglected. So if you want an extraordinary relationship then sex -- and talking -- are NEEDS.'
While the argument may be true that 'needs' are ONLY things that we can't live without -- water, food, belonging -- it's inaccurate when we're talking about the surviving -- not to mention the THRIVING -- of our marriage relationship.
Yes, people can live without sex. And talking. But an extraordinary marriage cannot.
Of course, there are extremes when sex in marriage is not an option (injury, postpartum, old age). But we're not talking about those rare instances. We're talking about marriages where couples CAN have sex but are NOT having it.
And I get it. As a woman who once *hoped* to find evidence that would convince my husband we never had to have sex again, I know how relieving it can be to believe that his need for sex is not real or is some how wrong or unrealistic.
But it's just not true. Men (and women) want and need intimacy, but for some (usually men) their deepest intimacy takes the form of sex. And that's OK! And when you learn to use both sex and communication together they create an eternal circle of connection between spouses.
Listen to this episode now so you can begin to see sex as an OPPORTUNITY for connection, not a burden or obligation. When you have this paradigm shift then everything changes. And you finally discover the key to building the relationship you've always wanted.
This topic is further expounded on with these episodes:
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#223 How to Prevent 80% of Problems & Find Lasting Solutions When Challenges Do Arise
#222 How Sugar Contributes to Disease & How to Give it Up FOR GOOD
#221 Specific Strategies & Tools to Make Your Marriage Good, Better, Great & EXTRAORDINARY
#220 "My Kids Are Fighting So Much!" How to Put and End to Fighting -- For Good
#219 How to Get Your Kids to Do _________ (Homework, Chores, the 'Right' Thing) WITHOUT the Battle
#218 Body Shaming? How to LOVE Your Body AND Want to Get in Your Best Shape
#217 To Control Guns or Not to Control Guns? -- This is NOT the (Right) Question
#216 Why Encouraging Your Kids to 'Talk Back' Develops Critical Thinking & Decision Making Skills
#215 A Message to Husbands: How to Actually Listen to Your Wife
#214 Where We've Been and How We've Made it Extra Special -- Celebrating 22 Years of Marriage
#213 What to Eat Part 2 -- Snacks, Recipes, Rules, & When to Break Them
#212 True Balance Looks Like Yin & Yang and Walking 'The Labyrinth'
#211 What to Eat & How -- What's ACTUALLY Healthy? Our Food Journey
#210 A Message (with a Strategy) for Swamped, Overwhelmed Moms (and Dads)
#209 How to Get Your Kids (& Spouse) on Board with Charts & Systems (+ Why You NEED Them Even if You Think You Don't)
#208 How to Respond to, Stop, & Prevent Misbehavior in Young (& Old) Children -- Strategies that WORK!
#207 How to Make Sure Your Kids Are NOT ANNOYING (Because It's Crucial to THEIR Adult Happiness)
#206 Inspire, Not Require... Sounds Ideal, But Does it Actually Work?
#205 The Price of Mastery -- Is It Worth the Cost?
#204 Family Travel is an Investment in the Development of Yourself & Your Children + Logistics, Tips & FAQs
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