The EXTRAORDINARY Family Life Podcast
Kids & Family:Parenting
On Instagram, I saw a reel that stated "Myth: Sex is a need. Fact: Sex is a desire, not a need."
"All of us can live without sex; we cannot live without water, food, or belonging."
I had to disagree and responded: "It depends on how you define 'need'. For survival, no. For connection, bonding, and love -- yes, it's a need. Can you imagine if you're husband said, "You don't NEED me to talk to you. It's just a desire' and then went days, weeks, or months without talking because it's not a 'need'? You would feel pretty neglected. So if you want an extraordinary relationship then sex -- and talking -- are NEEDS.'
While the argument may be true that 'needs' are ONLY things that we can't live without -- water, food, belonging -- it's inaccurate when we're talking about the surviving -- not to mention the THRIVING -- of our marriage relationship.
Yes, people can live without sex. And talking. But an extraordinary marriage cannot.
Of course, there are extremes when sex in marriage is not an option (injury, postpartum, old age). But we're not talking about those rare instances. We're talking about marriages where couples CAN have sex but are NOT having it.
And I get it. As a woman who once *hoped* to find evidence that would convince my husband we never had to have sex again, I know how relieving it can be to believe that his need for sex is not real or is some how wrong or unrealistic.
But it's just not true. Men (and women) want and need intimacy, but for some (usually men) their deepest intimacy takes the form of sex. And that's OK! And when you learn to use both sex and communication together they create an eternal circle of connection between spouses.
Listen to this episode now so you can begin to see sex as an OPPORTUNITY for connection, not a burden or obligation. When you have this paradigm shift then everything changes. And you finally discover the key to building the relationship you've always wanted.
This topic is further expounded on with these episodes:
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES:
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#203 Creating a Real Life 'Happily Ever After' Marriage
#202 Video Games & Virtual Worlds -- How to Get Our Sons & Husband's Back
COACHING SESSION: Boys Adrift: Why Boys & Men Turn to Video Games and What to Do About It
#201 Toxic Masculinity & the Epidemic of Gaming Addictions & Unmotivated, Underachieving Boys & Young Men
#200 Disagreements in Parenting Approaches Around LGBTQ Issues
#199 The Rewards (& Risks) of Pursuing a Life of Comfort & Luxury
#198 Masturbation & Cheap Sexual Acts Are a Poor Substitute for Real Connection — A Message for Teens AND Spouses
#197 How to Not Let Your Children’s Moods Affect You (Grumpy & Otherwise)
#196 How & WHY to do Morning Family Devotionals (Discussions)
#195 Fear is a Traitor & is Holding Back Your Family & Your Life
#194 The Hero's Journey -- Leave the Ordinary World Behind and Live a Great Story
#193 How to STOP CARING What Other People Think About You
#192 EVERYTHING In Life Gets Easier & Smoother When You Can COMMUNICATE Better. Here's How to Do It
#191 The Truth (& Myths) About Overcoming Anxiety & Depression
#190 Unconditional Love is NOT the Highest Form of Love; Deep, Meaningful Love is CONDITIONAL
#189 How to Get Stuff Done & Be Productive (Even With a Family)
#188 Your Teen's Current Habits Will Make or Break Their Life Happiness & Success
#187 Seek an ‘Inner Knowing’ (Insight & Intuition) And ACT On It to Avoid Sabotaging Your Life and Your Family
#186 How to Build Confidence
#185 Helping Children Develop Self-Control (aka The GREATEST Predictor of Future Success)
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