f you don't tell me to do it, then it is your fault that it didn't get done. If you tell me to do it, then it is your fault if it doesn't go right.
Have you ever heard these words or experienced these attitudes? Covert narcissists are SO good at dodging responsibility.
I used to wonder why he wouldn’t even choose the restaurant for our dinner. Many years later, I discovered that he wouldn’t choose so that nothing could ever be his fault. Why would he not make the plans for our vacation? But yet he would be so mad at me for the plans I made. He would not make the plans so that nothing would ever be his fault. And yet he would be mad at me because everything was my fault.
He didn’t help do the chores around the house because he didn’t want to do it wrong and make me mad. So he just did nothing! In his mind, then I could not be mad at him because he didn’t do anything wrong.
Blame shifting is a common weapon for a covert narcissist. If you are listening to this today - stop taking the blame for their faults. Stop taking responsibility for their stuff. You are not doing them or yourself any favors. They have their life to live. They have their own to answer for. Don’t let them lay this on your shoulders anymore!!
I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse.
I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com
Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
http://www.covertnarcissism.com
https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson
https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism
The Ultimate Disconnect Between the Mind and Body
Pseudo Recovery: A Trap set by Covert Narcissists
Surviving the Holidays with a Covert Narcissist
Mirroring: Absorbing Your Identity to Have One of Their Own
Being Told You Are Too Sensitive
Hearing from Members of the CNG Group Retreat, October 2022
Toxic Shaming: An Intensely Powerful Tool of the Covert Narcissist
4 Boundaries to Implement for Yourself
Where Does the Story Begin?
The Gradual Pain of Covert Narcissistic Abuse
Guard Dogging: The Covert Narcissist’s Justification for Their Own Anger
Intermittent Reinforcement, A Powerful Manipulation Tool
Your Warning System is Not Broken
How Do I Handle the Triggers
Covert Narcissists’ Constant Need for Validation
Covert Narcissists Rule Their Environment
How Do We Raise Kids with a Covert Narcissist?
How Do I Explain Covert Narcissism
4 Boundaries for YOU When you are with a Covert Narcissist
My View on Codependency
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