Uwe Boll is infamous for his poor video game adaptations. To date, he has made over 10 of them—including BloodRayne and its sequels, as well as House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark. Postal is his magnum opus. It's a giant middle finger to the critics who've lambasted his work throughout his career, and it pulls zero punches.
From an opening that pokes fun at 9/11 to Verne Troyer meeting his maker via chimpanzee defilement, it is as tasteless a film as you'll ever encounter.
That is clearly by design. Postal, the game for which the movie is based, is primarily known for its unfettered violence—think Grand Theft Auto without a coherent narrative to buoy its less seemly mechanics. It may have a cult following, but it was not what most would consider popular.
It should as come as no surprise then that the movie flopped. It, like the game, was hindered by its wanton nihilism. Released on only four screens in the U.S., Postal grossed just $146,741. It also sits at a measly 9% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Though it's not devoid of salient ideas—the dangers of religious fanaticism, for example—the execution never lands. And the movie pinballs from one abhorrent joke to another, failing to ever stop to consider how awful everything it's presenting actually is. Despite that, its failure did little to prevent Boll from continuing to direct movies—an oddity of the industry that will never not be baffling.
Listen, you can watch this, but just remember: We did warn you not to. So sit back, blast open a Steel Reserve from Steel Brewing Co., and stay the hell away from Little Germany! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are smuggling a crate of Krotchy Dolls into the U.S. to prevent a country-wide pandemic!
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Vampire in Brooklyn – Toothless
Gallow Walkers – Bladey the Kid
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice – Knuckle Bump
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent – Nic f’n Cage
Mandy – Chainsaw Fight
Willy’s Wonderland – It’s Your Birthday
Black Friday – Not Worth the Bargain
Annihilation – It’s a Metaphor
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City – Itchy, but Not So Tasty
The Happening – It’s Crappening
Showdown in Little Tokyo – Samurai Cop
Double Team – Spy Island
Firestorm – You Still Alive, Smokejumper!?
Stone Cold – Mullets and Motorcycles
Kill the Irishman – So Called Mafia
Striking Distance – Jagoff Cops
Road House – Our Way or the Highway
Deadbeat at Dawn – Straight Outta Dayton
The Matrix Resurrections – Face-Zucker-Suck
End of Days – Satan’s a Choir Boy Compared to Arnold
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