Santa's Slay is exactly what the title implies. Santa Claus—played by WCW and WWE's Bill Goldberg—is big, angry, and not very keen on spreading Christmas cheer. Rather, he opts to spend the holidays igniting "Yuletide fear."
That's the movie. Literally, that's it. Santa Claus is an asshole, who's hell bent on revenge. Why? Well, he was only nice because he lost in a game of chance to an angel who just happened to be out wondering the frozen tundra.
I'd go deeper, yet there's no reason to. This is about Santaberg and is oh so wicked ways. He murders James Caan (no, that's not a typo) with a turkey leg; set's the nanny's hair aflame with some spiked eggnog; and—amongst many other grisly kills—he electrocutes a man with a stripper pole.
So if you get your jollies watching pro wrestlers in Santa cosplay murder people indiscriminately, then this is the movie for you.
So sit back, jackhammer a couple of Celebration Fresh Hop IPAs from Sierra Nevada, and avoid having Christmas dinner with James Caan! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are wagering our souls on a game of high stakes curling!
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Rocky V – Punch Drunk
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull – Knowledge is Our Treasure
Robocop 3 – Needs to be Decommissioned
Alien Covenant – Demented David’s Dungeon of Curiosities
Prometheus – There is No Why
Alien Resurrection – Kill It with Fire!
Alien 3 – Lock Her Up
Damned River – River Rat Rage
Drop Zone – Look Out Below
Rollerball – Prison Rules
Airborne – Wannabe Bullwinkle
Moonfall – Nuke the Moon!
Three Thousand Years of Longing – Not Worth the Wait
The Northman – Naked Volcano Fight
Black Adam – It’s Electrifying
The Wizard – It’s So Bad
Mars Attacks! – Ak Ak
GI Joe: The Movie – At Ease, Disease
RIPD – Here Come the Men in Flak
Mystery, Alaska – The Mighty Yuks
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