Sandra A. Shachar, Ph.D., is a Licensed Psychologist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and has over thirty years of clinical experience working with individuals, couples and families affected by Betrayal Trauma. She is also the author of The Porn Solution, which dives into the world of betrayal through porn use and what partners can do to navigate themselves through it. In this episode, Dr. Sandra talks about the definition of betrayal, why porn affects so many people, and why it’s okay to ask for your needs to be met.
TAKEAWAYS:
[3:20] Is porn cheating?
[3:55] Why did Dr. Sandra write the book, The Porn Solution?
[7:10] What is the definition of a betrayal?
[12:05] Porn, what’s the big deal? I’m not cheating on you!
[18:10] Why does porn betrayal affect women so deeply?
[22:35] How can we regain a partner’s trust after a betrayal?
[24:30] You have a right to ask for your needs to be met. It’s okay to have needs!
[29:15] What is a problem for one person, is a problem for both people.
[29:55] Porn isn’t the issue, it’s the trust!
RESOURCES:
Sex and Relationship Healing
@RobWeissMSW
Sex Addiction 101
Seeking Integrity
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
Out of the Doghouse by Robert Weiss
Drsandrashachar.com
Dr. Sandra on LinkedIn
The Porn Solution
QUOTES:
“When I talk to spouses about their experience of whether porn felt like a betrayal to the relationship, we got up to 80%. We have a population of female spouses who say it’s a big deal.”
“It’s not the act of what you’re doing specifically, it’s the deception. It’s what you’ve hidden me that constitutes as the betrayal.”
“It makes absolute sense why you’re reacting the way you are. This is normal under these abnormal circumstances.”
Part 2: Voices of Hope For, and By, Women Who Have Been Betrayed
Part 1: Voices of Hope For, and By, Women Who Have Been Betrayed
Going to Therapy Doesn’t Have to Be Impossible with Jason VanRuler
Part 2: Porn, What’s The Big Deal? with Dr. Sandra Shachar
BONUS: Why Should I Write Down All My Anger and Hurt?
BONUS: Am I Just Having Fun, or Is This a Full-Blown Addiction?
Discover and Connect with Your Own Inner Voice Again with Lucy Beresford
How to Heal After a Betrayal: Dr. Monique Thompson on Navigating Infidelity
Foundation of Hope: The 12 Steps Way to Healing from Trauma with Dr. Jamie Marich and Dr. Stephen Dansiger
Part 2: Couples, Conflict and Resolution with Dr. Stan Tatkin
Part 1: Couples, Conflict and Resolution with Dr. Stan Tatkin
Part 2: Sex + Porn Addicts Share About Their Healing Journey with Dr Rob, Larry and Jay
Part 1: Sex + Porn Addicts Share About Their Healing Journey with Dr Rob, Larry and Jay
Part 2: Support Groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics with Gary Seidler
Part 1: Support Groups for Adult Children of Alcoholics with Gary Seidler
Part 1: Religion and Spirituality in Recovery with Jason Swilling MDiv
The Road to Forgiveness with Dr. Rob Weiss
Part 2: Dr. Jessica Higgins: How Do You Learn to Forgive?
Part 1: Dr. Jessica Higgins: How Do You Learn to Forgive?
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