Stinker Madness - The Podcast for Bad Movie Lovers
TV & Film:Film Reviews
Boardroom Santa! Ever been really into the business of Santa? Have a passion for Operations Management? Got a degree in holly jolly marketing? Wear a tie with your pajamas? Well this movie is for you! Just not for anyone else.
For the rest of us Santa Claus: The Movie is about as interesting as a government made educational training video. Its just painfully boring. "Santa has a meeting with Jeff and Susie from accounting! Oh boy would I like to see that!" he said sarcastically. "The elves meet in the conference room for a call with the supply department! Wowee!!!!" he said while shoving his head in trash.
The antagonist (John Lithgow) seriously doesn't show up until the 60% completion mark which makes the first hour and fifteen minutes completely devoid of plot and then we he DOES show up it's a series of groan-inducing jokes and Santa being a mopey butthole because apparently he's the only one that can give toys to children for free.
Lastly, this film does an excellent job of showcasing what an awful person Santa (this version - not Santa in general you people about to accuse me of a war on Christmas) is. He is content to give starving children wooden toys instead of maybe food, or a home, or curing their diseases or stopping dictators from murdering their family or shoes even. Nope wooden toys is the only thing that children want - according to Santa. "Wait, they want things that aren't wooden toys?" Santa says at some point (paraphrasing). "But...but...then no one loves me! Boooo hooo hooo hoo" Ugh. You suck Santa.
Santa Claus: The Movie is only for people who care only for the pageantry of Christmas and not at all about the meaning of Christmas. It stinks!
Detective Knight: Redemption - Go how you wanna go, Bruce
The Christmas Consultant - Don’t Hassel Your Christmas Man
Elf-Man - Better than socks, I guess
Highlander - Listen first before sending death threats
Dirty O’Neil - It’s not his police work that’s dirty - it’s his d---
Bloodfist III - Forced to Watch
Rockula - Maybe don’t turn into a bat, Ralphie
Blood Hook - Sinker Madness
Curse 3: Blood Sacrifice - You’re not Pangaing your way out of this one
Vamps - Undead dating can be such a bummer
Repo Jake - Gonna repo that prophylactic
Sword of the Valiant - Yeah, but why though?
High Spirits - Gave us mild nausea
Gas Pump Girls - Better go to college, kids
Extraterrestrial Visitors - The Trumpyiest Show, but in a good way
The Rookie - Its a Buttendectomy
The Tomb - The Mummy moves to LA for its high quality blood?
Strike Commando 2 - The Gullible Plot
Anaconda - Serone lives!
Deep Rising - didn’t create any deep pockets
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