OK Sister, You Have a Jezebel Spirit Within You: Transmission 492, 2019 October 31
True confession: my first attempt at recounting this episode was such a dull, sausage-making drone that I bored even myself. So I'm trying again, this time with atmosphere, and maybe some mental sausage.
A couple of hours before the program, it rained. A lot. There was flooding in the area! And I think of the poor children and their parents, especially in our old hipster neighborhood, a Halloween wonderland, getting soaked in their heroic effort to keep the candy industry afloat.
I was working in the opposite direction, trying to get to the gym, probably for the first time in several days--my new job was exhausting me mentally and physically, and I had dived deeply into comfort food (and am still diving)--and taking my life into my own hands.
Rain is my least favorite weather to begin with, but particularly in Ithaca--usually if it's raining it's just the right temperature for our car to fog up uncontrollably. I could easily have mowed down some young family on my way to torture myself, and to be honest I probably felt nothing in particular about either part of this equation.
Feels like I just talked about how much I hate fundraising programs, and here I was in the control room again the next day. Like a goddamn salmon I keep returning, with tremendous effort, and I don't even get it.
Since this program was broadcast, 95 days ago now, I've gone on the air 17 times. I am listening to a transmission from 61 days ago. I'm currently editing a sound file from 41 days ago--7 shows ago. What does it amount to, this enormous task? And what will I even do when I am caught up? Anyway, October's finished, unless you count that unfortunate area of space-time where it is always still happening, forever.
Fittingly, I played a bunch of 4AD-adjacent stuff on this evening of "songs about ghosts and songs about dead people." It haunts me, or at least it haunts the person I have been, whom I carry around with me at all times. It is more "me" to stray from the "best available" in favor of the weird, personal, disturbing. And of course we made less money on this night than the last one. Sometimes I know what I'm talking about.
BOMBAST playlist, 2019 October 31, 2100-2300:
existing in the shadows of dreams
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