Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.
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Show Notes:
thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-evers
Nuggets:
0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms
0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice
0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy
0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships
0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian
0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity
0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?
0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner
0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships
0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know
0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest
0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners
0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience
0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner
0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable
1:05:10 – Active listening skills
1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner
1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously
1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them
1:18:30 – Staying in the room
1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”
1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?
1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”
1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip
1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship
1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing
1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship
1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation
1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner
1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist
EP 133: Neil Gresham — Using Ballet to Climb Harder, Developing Your Finishing Game, and Extensor Training for Stronger Fingers
EP 132: Rebecca Williams — A Deep Dive Into Fear of Falling, the Self-Soothing System, and Climbing Smarter
EP 131: Ryan Devlin — Life as a TV Actor, Progressing From 11b to 12c in a Year, and How Pro Climbers Relate to Struggle
EP 130: Stian Christophersen & Martin Mobråten — Writing The Climbing Bible, Finger Strength vs. General Strength, and Strategies for Improving Technique
Follow-Up: Matt Fultz — How to Train for the Hardest Crimp Boulders in the World (Teaser)
EP 128: Callie Joy Black — Training During Pregnancy, Climbing Hard with Kids, and Being Your Own Project
Follow-Up: Steve Maisch — My Summer Training Plan, and How to Get Stronger on the Moonboard (Teaser)
EP 127: Jesse Firestone — Bouldering Tactics, Quantum Leaps, and Non-Physical Factors That Affect Our Performance
BONUS: Michelle LeBlanc — An Upcoming 2SLGBTQ+ Pride Event in Squamish
S1E2: The Great Equalizer (Repost from The American Climbing Project)
EP 126: Devin Dabney — Getting Uncomfortable, How Climbing Saved His Life, and How Competition Makes Us Better
Follow-Up: Alita Contreras — Sending Her First 5.14a, and Training With Lattice (Teaser)
EP 125: Zofia Reych — The Heritage of Climbing, Breaking Down Gender Roles, and What It’s Like to Be Autistic
EP 124: Karly Rager — Mental Strategies for Developing Focus, Learning vs. Performing, and Building a Coaching Business
EP 123: Magnus Midtbø — The Hard Work Behind Success, Go-To Climbing Workouts, and Takeaways from Training with Adam Ondra
Follow-Up: Chad Andrews — The Pros and Cons of Living on the Road to Climb, and Having a Healthier Relationship with Money (Teaser)
EP 122: Jared Vagy — How to Prevent Knee, Shoulder, Elbow, and Finger Injuries as Climbers
EP 121: Carol Simpson — Being a Girl in the South in the 1950s, Yoga as the Fountain of Youth, and Ageism in Climbing
EP 120: Lea Volpe — The World of Paraclimbing Competitions, How We Perceive Wheelchairs, and Empathy in Coaching
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