Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.
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Show Notes:
thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-evers
Nuggets:
0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms
0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice
0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy
0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships
0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian
0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity
0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?
0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner
0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships
0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know
0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest
0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners
0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience
0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner
0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable
1:05:10 – Active listening skills
1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner
1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously
1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them
1:18:30 – Staying in the room
1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”
1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?
1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”
1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip
1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship
1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing
1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship
1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation
1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner
1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist
EP 189: Lily Kral — Building a Board Climbing Gym, Exotic Dancing, and Being a Work in Progress
EP 188: Joey Jannsen & Rich Breuner — Underground Hip-Hop, Cage Fighting, and Hustling ‘Til You Make It
EP 187: Stefanie Myr — Miniature Carpentry, Becoming Polyamorous, and Finding “Church” at the Gym
Four Women Have Climbed V15
Follow-Up: Katie Lamb — Box Therapy V16, and the Willingness to Persist (Teaser)
EP 186: Q&A 7 (feat. Ethan Pringle) — Rocklands Wrap-Up, Bat Hang Shenanigans, and Challenging Your Perceived Limits
EP 185: Mattias Braach-Maksvytis — All Things Dynos, Why Boulderers Should Train Their Legs, and How to Enjoy Your Climbing
EP 184: Nic Rummel — Embracing Thickness, Lessons From 9 Years of Hangboarding, and Doing Whatever It Takes to Feel Like a Badass
EP 183: Jenn DeBellis — Chasing Dream Boulders, Turning Small Wins Into Big Wins, and Sustaining a Full-Time Job on the Road
EP 182: Carlos Tkacz & Steph Letourneau — Lessons From 7 Trips to Rocklands, Being Good at Being Consistent, and Writing Novels
EP 181: Charlie Schreiber, Adam Shahar, Noah & Benn Wheeler — Accidentally Flashing V13, Board Training, and Ultimate Dream Sends
EP 180: Troy Fauteux, Austin Hoyt, & Bryce Viola — Times We Almost Died, Toe Hook Training, and Laughs and Sends in Rocklands
EP 179: Cat Runner — Life After Winning The Climb, Embracing Trans Pride, and Sending Big at 5’0”
Follow-Up: Ollie Torr — How to Improve Your Critical Force, Training Endurance at Home, and Listener Q&A (Teaser)
EP 178: Ethan Pringle Returns — Two Things He Does Every Day, Taking Your Time, and Honoring His Dad
EP 177: Tiba Vroom — Confronting Fear of Failure, Being the 8, and Taking Responsibility for Your Life
Follow-Up: Dave MacLeod — Lessons From Recent Diet Experiments, the 9a+ Goal, and Getting Stronger After Age 40 (Teaser)
EP 176: Eric Hörst Returns — Top 7 Most Common Training Mistakes
EP 175: Ady Wright — The Pressure of Opportunity, Acts of Rebellion, and Eating Oreos for Breakfast
EP 174: Bernd Zangerl — Developing World-Class Bouldering in the Himalayas, Entering the Easiness, and the Power of the Mind
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