Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.
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Show Notes:
thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-evers
Nuggets:
0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms
0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice
0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy
0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships
0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian
0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity
0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?
0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner
0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships
0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know
0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest
0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners
0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience
0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner
0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable
1:05:10 – Active listening skills
1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner
1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously
1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them
1:18:30 – Staying in the room
1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”
1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?
1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”
1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip
1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship
1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing
1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship
1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation
1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner
1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist
EP 175: Ady Wright — The Pressure of Opportunity, Acts of Rebellion, and Eating Oreos for Breakfast
EP 174: Bernd Zangerl — Developing World-Class Bouldering in the Himalayas, Entering the Easiness, and the Power of the Mind
Follow-Up: Hazel Findlay — Top 3 Performance Hacks (Teaser)
EP 173: Louis Parkinson — How to Break Down Dynamic Movements, the Benefits of Indoor Climbing, and Cultivating Confidence
EP 172: Brittany Leavitt — Seeking Change in Climbing, Unmasking, and Top Lessons From Teaching Kids
EP 171: Leo Houlding — A Life of Adventure, Climbing Big Walls With Kids, and Epic Stories From El Cap
BONUS: Ron Kauk — Spiritual Revolution for Evolution
EP 170: Karly Rager & Casey Elliott — What the Data Says About Weight, Height, and Ape Index, and Which Metrics Matter for Climbing Performance
Follow-Up: Steve Bechtel — Active Recovery: Everything You Need to Know (Teaser)
EP 169: Scott Johnston — A Masterclass in Training Principles, and Why Boulderers Should Train Their Aerobic System
EP 168: Don McGrath — Rewriting Unhelpful Scripts, How to Tackle Fear of Falling, and Playing as We Age
Climbing Gold — Hot Henry
EP 167: Alex Honnold — Epic Solos That Nobody Heard About, Near Misses, and Sh*tting His Pants While Free Soloing
EP 166: Will Bosi — Sending ‘Burden of Dreams’ V17, Dream Projects, and Functional Finger Strength vs. Party Tricks
Follow-Up: Katie Lamb — Sending ‘Spectre’ V14, and Breaking Down Crux Moves (Teaser)
EP 165: Charlie Schreiber — Asking "Why", Squeezing Lemons, and How to Have a Good Poop in the Morning, Every Time
EP 164: Melina Costanza — Why Eating Food Makes You Awesome, Competing to Win vs. Not Lose, and Fun Facts With Melina
Follow-Up: Matt Heyliger — How I Rehabbed My Bicep Tendon Injury, and How to Make the Transition From Rehab Back to Training (Teaser)
EP 163: Johnny Dawes — Legendary No-Hands Climbs, How to Master Footwork, and Life Lessons From Omelets to Icebergs
EP 162: Fundamentals — How to Structure Your Climbing Year
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