Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.
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Show Notes:
thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-evers
Nuggets:
0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms
0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice
0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy
0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships
0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian
0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity
0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?
0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner
0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships
0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know
0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest
0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners
0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience
0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner
0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable
1:05:10 – Active listening skills
1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner
1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously
1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them
1:18:30 – Staying in the room
1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”
1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?
1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”
1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip
1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship
1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing
1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship
1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation
1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner
1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist
EP 148: Alan Watts (Repost) — A Life at Smith Rock, Eating Every Other Day, and Meeting Adam Ondra
BONUS: Alita Contreras — Guerreras Film!
Announcing Merch!
EP 147: Alayna Joy — Coming out to 400k Subscribers, Queerness in Climbing, and Compulsory Heterosexuality
EP 146: Todd Perkins — The Mind-Opening Effects of Cannabis, Why Gratitude is the Key to Climbing Longevity, and Near-Death Experiences
Follow-Up: Amity Warme — Sending ‘The Honeymoon Is Over’ in a Hailstorm, and Lessons From Another Season in Yosemite (Teaser)
EP 145: Katie Lamb — Breaking Into V14, Embracing Micro Beta, and How Climbers Can Be Leaders in the Climate Movement
EP 144: Marisa Michael — Why Losing Weight Won’t Make You Climb Harder, How to Navigate Food, and Intuitive Eating
EP 143: Matt Heyliger — Tissue Capacity vs. Biomechanics, Why Mobility Comes Before Strength, and the Eyeball Story
EP 142: Aidan Roberts — Training for Alphane V17, the Power of Replicas, and Embracing Your Style
EP 141: Robbie Phillips — Exploring Scottish Sea Cliffs, Keeping Things Fun, and Capturing Memories Through Filmmaking
EP 140: Tommy Caldwell — Undone Lines on El Cap, Father-Son Relationships, and Exploring the Limits of Human Endurance
EP 139: Lynn Hill — Breaking Barriers in Climbing, How to Find Self-Belief, and Challenging Social Norms
EP 138: Q&A 6 (feat. Taylor Fragomeni) — Ways to Improve Your Climbing if Access is Limited, and More Patron Questions
Follow-Up: Ned Feehally — More Beastmaking Questions, and Longer Hangs for Long-Term Strength Gains (Teaser)
EP 137: Drew Ruana & Cameron Hörst — Lessons from Recent Sends, Training for Bouldering vs. Sport Climbing, and Leveling Up to V18 and 5.15c
EP 136: Dan Varian — High Angle Crimps, Silver Bullets in Finger Strength, and How to Activate Lazy Fingers
EP 135: Alice Hafer — How to Train Your Mind Muscle, Tips for Staying Motivated, and Box Jumps for Power
EP 134: Sam Van Boxtel — Creating Value on Social Media, Having a Strong “Why”, and the Road to 100k Followers
Follow-Up: Jonathan Siegrist — How to Climb Hard Sport Routes and Improve for Decades (Teaser)
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