Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.
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Show Notes:
thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-evers
Nuggets:
0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms
0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice
0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy
0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships
0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian
0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity
0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?
0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner
0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships
0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know
0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest
0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners
0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience
0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner
0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable
1:05:10 – Active listening skills
1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner
1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously
1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them
1:18:30 – Staying in the room
1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”
1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?
1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”
1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip
1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship
1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing
1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship
1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation
1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner
1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist
EP 119: Carrie Cooper — Thinking of Ourselves as Athletes, Research in Climbing, and Mobility and Warming Up
EP 118: Chad Andrews Interviews Steven Dimmitt — Repost from the Clipping Chains Podcast
Follow-Up. Joe Kinder — Sending 'Mamajamma', and What I Learned from 5 Weeks of Projecting with Joe (Teaser)
EP 117: Yves Gravelle — Lessons From Grip Sports, Basing Your Training on the Demands of Your Goal, and Top 3 Finger Training Methods
EP 116: Paul Robinson — Coming Back From Injuries, Opening Up About Autism, and Working Boulders Top Down
Steven's Blog: Mar '22
Reflections: Mina
Announcing "Reflections" and "Steven's Blog"
Follow-Up: Steve Maisch — Hueco 2022 Debrief (Teaser)
EP 115: Jordan Cannon — The Triple Crown in Yosemite, Big Wall Pooping Stories, and How to Build the Skills to Climb El Capitan
EP 114: Q&A 5 — My Current Finger Training Routine, How to Deal With Bad Body Image, and Golden Nuggets for Newer Climbers
EP 113: Ned Feehally — Beastmaking, Long-Term Finger Training, and Climbing With Ankle Weights
Follow-Up: Steve McClure — Sending ‘Lexicon’ E11, Projecting Tips, and How to Enjoy a Long Life of Climbing (Teaser)
EP 112: Favia Dubyk — Specializing in Lowball Roof Bouldering, Surviving Cancer, and Learning How to Dyno
EP 111: Jerry Moffatt — Being a “Crag Rat”, Developing Your Mental Game, and What the Top Climbers Have in Common
EP 110: “The Verm” Returns — Life Lessons at Age 62, Fun Facts About Birds, and Injury Stories
Follow-Up: Josh Wharton — Attempting to Flash 'Freerider' on El Cap (Teaser)
EP 109: Martin Keller — How to Train on Rock, Your Subconscious Brain, and Lessons from 150+ Days on a Boulder
EP 108: John Sherman — Hueco Tanks in the 80s, Highballing Before Crash Pads, and Adding Layers to the Bouldering Experience
EP 107: Tim Emmett — How to Climb Harder After 40, The Magic Formula for Climbing 9a, and Life Philosophies
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