Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.
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Show Notes:
thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-evers
Nuggets:
0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms
0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice
0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy
0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships
0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian
0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity
0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?
0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner
0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships
0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know
0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest
0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners
0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience
0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner
0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable
1:05:10 – Active listening skills
1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner
1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously
1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them
1:18:30 – Staying in the room
1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”
1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?
1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”
1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip
1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship
1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing
1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship
1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation
1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner
1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist
Follow-Up: Tom Randall — How to Program Your Training Like a Pro (Teaser)
EP 106: Hans Florine — Speed Climbing on ‘The Nose’, Big Wall Tips, and the Evolution of Speed Climbing Competitions
EP 105: Brent Barghahn — How to Retire Before Age 30, Extreme Unicycling, and How to Free Climb Big Walls By Yourself
EP 104: Amity Warme — Crushing in Yosemite, Growing up in Gymnastics, and Eating More to Do More
Follow-Up: Tyler Nelson — How to Train Based on Your Finger Anatomy (Teaser)
EP 103: Mina Leslie-Wujastyk — Chasing Flow State, The Role of Cleverness in Climbing, and Becoming a Mom
EP 102: Matty Hong — The History of ‘Flex Luthor’, Climbing Waterfalls in Japan, and the Camera as a Gift
EP 101: Nina Caprez — Being a Swiss Machine, Leaning into Womanness, and a Beautiful Story of Failing on ‘The Nose’
Follow-Up: Steve Maisch — My Training Plan for Hueco Round 2 (Teaser)
EP 100: Ben Moon — How Ben Moon Uses the MoonBoard, and the Evolution of Sport Climbing
Follow-Up: Paige Claassen — Dreamcatching, and Learning to Celebrate (Teaser)
EP 99: Q&A 4 — Goals for 2022, Dating on the Road, and What I’ve Learned from Nearly 100 Episodes
Follow-Up: Tyson Schoene — Building Champions, and Keeping Things Simple (Teaser)
EP 98: Kyra Condie — The Olympic Experience, Training With a Fused Spine, and Thriving in Organized Chaos
EP 97: Austin Hoyt — Favorite Zones in the Northeast, Rediscovering Old Projects, and Being a GUNKaholic
EP 96: Joe Kinder — The Love of Projecting, Leaving a Legacy, and the Other Side of Cancellation
EP 95: Tyler Algeo — Starting a Climbing Gym in Africa, Climb Malawi, and Raising Black Sons as a White Dad
Follow-Up: Steve Bechtel — When to Stick With It, and Climbing His First 5.14 at Age 47 (Teaser)
EP 94: Nathaniel Coleman — Preparing for the Tokyo Olympics, Climbing in a Sauna, and Kendama Training
EP 93: Tom Herbert (Part 2) —How to Relax to Improve your Passat Reserves, and Tom’s Life Story
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