Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.
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Show Notes:
thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-evers
Nuggets:
0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms
0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice
0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy
0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships
0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian
0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity
0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?
0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner
0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships
0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know
0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest
0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners
0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience
0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner
0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable
1:05:10 – Active listening skills
1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner
1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously
1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them
1:18:30 – Staying in the room
1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”
1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?
1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”
1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip
1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship
1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing
1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship
1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation
1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner
1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist
Follow-Up: Emil Abrahamsson — Gaining Weight to Climb His First V15, Overhauling His Training, and Thinking Long-Term With Projects (Teaser)
EP 161: Sam Stroh — Botching It and Sending Anyway, and Biggest Lessons from Hard Boulders to Free Climbs on El Cap
EP 160: Fundamentals — How to Pick a Project
EP 159: Tom Randall & Sam Van Boxtel — Why YouTube is the Future of Climbing Media, and How Much $$ YouTubers Make
EP 158: Fundamentals — How to Improve Your Technique
Follow-Up: Tim Emmett — Lessons From 80+ Days on Era Vella 9a, and Changing His Diet to Thrive at Age 48 (Teaser)
EP 157: Jeannie Wall — Getting Stronger in Her 50s, the Value of Doing Challenging Things, and Slowing Down to Go Fast
EP 156: Fundamentals — How to Go on a Sport Climbing Trip
EP 155: Caleb Robinson — Reaching V13 in Four Years, Biggest Lessons From Competitive Soccer, and the Power of Consistency
Follow-Up: Aidan Roberts — Sending Alphane, Training for V18 Projects, and Listener Q&A (Teaser)
Announcing YouTube + Win a Training Bundle!
EP 154: Fundamentals — How to Go on a Bouldering Trip
EP 153: Ollie Torr — The Secret to Finger Strength, How to Climb Like Aidan Roberts, and Staying on the Bus
Follow-Up: Jordan Cannon — Sending ‘Wet Lycra Nightmare’ on the Leaning Tower (Teaser)
EP 152: Fundamentals — How to Go on a Climbing Trip
Announcing Fundamentals!
EP 151: Anna Hazelnutt — Toe Training for the World’s Hardest Slabs, and Giving Others Permission to Be Real
Follow-Up: Tyler Nelson — Cutting Edge Finger Training Ideas, and the Difference Between Active Recruitment vs. Passive Tension (Teaser)
EP 150: Luke Mehall — How Climbing Gave Him His Life, Creating The Climbing Zine, and Sustaining Creative Work
EP 149: Steven on Kegels and Coffee — We Are Not Robots, As It Turns Out
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